MATT: Hello, everyone. (laughter) MATT: And welcome to tonight’s episode of CriticalRole, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play the first game of our newcampaign of Dungeons and Dragons. (cheering) MATT: Super excited to be back. I’ve missed this alot. Missed this– oh, you guys will be fine. So yes. Glad you guys can join us, apparently in somecrazy numbers. So welcome new viewers. Hope you enjoy your stay. So, without further ado, let’sget this going so we can get through our announcements. Since it is our first episode ofthe year, of the campaign, I want to make sure that we get our announcements out of the way.We’ve got some cool stuff to talk about.First and foremost, we have two sponsors tonight. Our firstsponsor– and we’re going into, for a time, a cool partnership with the folks at DnD Beyond,actually. They’ve been really awesome, and we’ve been talking, and anybody who hasn’t seen it, it’san online digital tool where you can create your own D&D character, they have options to purchaseany of the current D&D books out there, and then carry over any of the character options and racialoptions over into it, so you can basically use it as a tool. We’ll be using it to help us out in thegame as we go, ’cause it’s actually got some pretty cool stuff. So excited about that. It is D-N-DBeyond, by the way, if you haven’t seen, not the ampersand. It’s D-N-D. LAURA: As in nnnn. MATT: Nnnn. But yeah, so they’re going to be along-term partner for the show, so working with us through the start of this campaign. We’re superexcited. But yeah. So we’re excited. You can currently activate– it should be now– someCritical Role content on there.They should have available the Blood Hunter class that I created acouple of years ago, kind of refining. Should be available for you guys to find on the DnD Beyond,which I’m excited about, and there’s a one-time discount of $10 off any digital book in thedndbeyond.com marketplace if you use the codeword ‘beginnings’ in there right now. So yeah, get achance to check it out. TRAVIS: (vomiting noises) Would you like some? MATT: So yeah. I’m super excited to have that,guys. So you apply that code at checkout to make that happen, in case you’re confused and trying toget it to work. There’s a bunch of stuff to explore on there, and a bunch of cool ways toincorporate the existing breadth of D&D lore and options in there, and now you have some of our stuff inthere as well, and hopefully more Critical Role content and Tal’Dorei content and Exandria contentdown the road to also be available on there as we go. Super excited about that.I’d like to thankyou guys at DnD Beyond for being awesome. We also have our second sponsor. Sam, if you want to takeit away. SAM: I’m our second sponsor. (laughter) LAURA: Thanks, Sam! SAM: No. Welcome, new viewers. Every week– ormany weeks, I am charged with writing the ad for the sponsor of that week. I did this one way backin mid-December, so it’ll feel a little stale. (laughter) SAM: Sorry. I didn’t have time to write a new one.Apologies to our sponsor.But our second sponsor tonight is Backblaze. They offer unlimited cloudbackup for Macs and PCs. You can restore from the web or via hard drive. They’ll even overnightFedEx a drive to you, and because it’s Christmas season, I wrote this. ‘Twas the night beforeCritmas when I clicked on my mouse, but the drive wasn’t whirring; it had said ‘Adi-ouse’.When upfrom the cloud there arose such a sight, I knew in a flash that my shit was all right. As I spat outmy plate of cold chicken kiev, down my chimney came a weird little elf named Lev. I said, “Whoa,whoa, whoa, how’d you get in my place?” Lev gave me a wink and punched me in the face. And suddenlyhe fired up a pipe and started to restore my computer from a backup he carted. My documents,like slash fiction from My Little Pony. My photos, like me naked, covered in bologna. He mumbled thatyou can get backed up at once for a merry little fee of $5 a month-s. You even get 15 days free ifyou scroll over to backblaze.com/criticalrole. And just like that, my computer was on. Lev greased uphis body, and bam, he was gone. But I heard him exclaim, “Peace out, yo, whassup! Happy Backblazeto all, don’t forget to back up!” (cheering) SAM: I’ll write another one for Easter, Ipromise.(laughter) MATT: Thank you, Sam. So thank you, Backblaze.Happy to have you for our sponsor tonight as well. Also, as a heads-up, we’ve had our friends atWyrmwood for a while have been awesomely providing Wyrmwood dice boxes and dice trays and dice towersto give away to people in the community. They have new boxes for all the players in the new campaign.And they have been working on something for a while for us to kick off the new campaign. Theymade us a new table. If we can go to a camera view of this table they made for the campaign. (cheering) MATT: It’s made out of English brown oak, thecenter Critical Role inlay is made of ash burl, is the background, and then rosewood for the d20outline, wenge for the Critical Role words themselves, and silver stringing around theborder.It was built by hand in their Massachusetts office and workshop, and it washand-rubbed oil on a wax finish. Over a hundred hours were put into this table. They did anincredible job, and we’re super honored to have that here, and thank you guys for showing such anawesome appreciation for what we do. SAM: It smells really nice. LAURA: We have cubbies! MARISHA: It smells like wood in the studio, likefresh wood. SAM: And, when we get canceled, this is going tobe a great dining room table. MATT: This is true! Thank you guys, Wyrmwood.Ifyou aren’t familiar with any of their stuff, go to wyrmwoodgaming.com, that’s W-Y-R-M-wood Gaming dot com. They do awesome work. It’s really super high-quality, it’s great. So thank you guys. Allright, so. Let’s see. Updates we can get through. Laura, do you have an update for merch stuff inthe new year? LAURA: (yells) Okay. Yes, I do. It’s a newcampaign, new us, new merch. I don’t know which camera I’m looking at. SAM: That one.LAURA: So we released our teaser on socials, andeverybody was like, “I want that as a poster!” So we listened to you, and we made it a poster! (cheering) SAM: It’s a real poster? LAURA: It’s a real poster! SAM: Oh, wow! LAURA: Look at this lameness that you could haveon your wall! So yeah. It’s in the store right now, you guys, and we printed a small amount, sothose ones will be shipped faster, and then after that it’ll just be pre-order, but I think it’s alllisted as pre-order, so just so you know. SAM: Can you photoshop out my crotch region? LAURA: No. TALIESIN: That would be a lot of photoshop, man. MATT: None of us have that much talent in post,Sam. LAURA: But let’s just talk about this MatthewMercer. MATT: Let’s not talk about what I– when I putthat outfit on, I did not consider quite the permeation in my life it would become.So there’sthat. LAURA: So we can be with you always. Matt canstare at you while you sleep. LIAM: That’s actually how Purvon dressed. MATT: God damn it. TALIESIN: Hey, first throwback! Well done. LAURA: Oh yeah. We’ve got to be careful, guys,because we have a lot of people that haven’t watched the last campaign, or haven’t finished thelast campaign, so no spoilers for last campaign. SAM: I don’t really remember it. TRAVIS: Well, we all died, so. MATT: That’s true, yeah. Okay, next announcements:the Critical Role podcast we have currently up to date. All of Vox Machina’s story, the whole firstcampaign, is now on the podcast. You can find it where the finest podcasts are downloaded. And dowe have an update as far as the release schedule for this podcast? MARISHA: Yes, we do. They will be releasing oneweek after we are live.We’ll be one week behind. SAM: On a Thursday? MARISHA: They will be releasing on Thursdays theweek after. LAURA: Oh, so you can listen to it in the morningand watch it live at night. If you have a lot of free time. Or a really long drive, maybe. SAM: An extra eight hours to spend everyThursday. MATT: To be fair, you guys would have about asmuch free time on a Thursday as I would.Cool, so look forward to that. Comic book, issue four ofCritical Role: Vox Machina Origins, Liam, when does that come out? LIAM: It is coming out on the 24th of this month. TRAVIS: Oh, make it sooner! LIAM: I’ve read it. It’s so good, it’s real good,it’s so good. You guys, Vox Machina’s story ended at this table, but it is going to live on and onand on– at least for three more issues. MATT: Thank you very much. TRAVIS: Check it out everywhere. LIAM: Yeah, on Zune, on PalmPilot. Darkhorse app,Comixology, Limewire, finally. MARISHA: Napster. LAURA: I’m going to throw up. MATT: That’s okay, guys, we’ve got a couple morethings left. Thank you for hanging in there. As far as con appearances go, I actually fly tomorrowto Miami, Florida for Paradise City Comic Con. I’ll be there tomorrow until Sunday. If you guysare in the area, come say hi at the convention. It should be fun. I have panels and signings andstuff. Hopefully see you there. Also, I’ll be at Lexington Comic and Toy Con in Lexington,Kentucky, March 9-11, Otafest in Calgary, May 18-20, and A-Kon in Texas, June 7-10.ASHLEY: Jeez Louise, Matt. LAURA: We have Emerald City Comic Con, me andTravis. TRAVIS: First weekend of March. MATT: Badass. Cool. All right, so. Paring it down,finishing it up here. Thank you for your patience. With the new campaign, I want to renew ourappreciation for and make sure that we push to you guys that we, from the very beginning, have beensupporting a really amazing charity called 826, 826LA being our local chapter. They have 826groups all over the United States that they do after-school creative writing, and a lot of greatcreative classes for children who are either underprivileged or don’t have opportunities to goto these types of classes. They do wonderful, wonderful work, and we’ve been supporting themfrom the very beginning, and we’re just doubling down on that for this new campaign. You guys as acommunity have been fantastic in supporting them, and all the charities that we’ve supported fromthe very beginning. Critmas every year has been a very prime example of that, so I just wanted tocontinue to push that forward, share the love, and a big thank-you to 826 for being such an amazingsource of creative drive for so many young kids who normally wouldn’t have that opportunity.Soyou guys are amazing, and show them your appreciation if you can. (cheering) MATT: Final shout-outs. One, thank you to IanPhillips of Iron Tusk Painting, who has painted the miniatures for this campaign. (cheering) MATT: He actually painted me and Marisha’s caketoppers for our wedding, and whenever you manage to see them in the campaign, you can know thatit’s his handiwork. Soon enough. ASHLEY: Also, fun fact about Ian Phillips: I grewup with him. He was one of my brother’s best friends when we first moved out here to LA, and sowhen that name was floating around, I was like, wait a minute.And then we reconnected back onInstagram. It’s such a crazy story. You know, Critical Role brings it all back around. (laughter) MATT: I love it. So you can follow him,@PaintingTusk on Twitter. LIAM: I’ve had him paint 20 to 30– I’m kind ofaddicted– 20 to 30 miniatures. They’re amazing. He’s amazing at what he does. MATT: And final thank-yous to Warner Bros andMonolith Entertainment for letting us incorporate the Shadow of War soundtrack into our CriticalRole soundtrack here on the air, so those will be coming into the new campaign. And, super excited,CD Projekt Red has been nice enough to allow us use of the Witcher series soundtrack to alsoincorporate into the campaign, which, honestly, when we started playing at home, the Witchersoundtrack was most of my music, and I couldn’t use it when we started streaming, and so it’s beena cool full-circle to be able to bring it back in. Plus it brings a unique flavor that works with thenew campaign setting, so. With that, I believe our announcements are done.Thank you for bearing with us. LAURA: Wait, we’re going to give– oh, that’s– MARISHA: Afterwards.SAM: There’s one more announcement. MARISHA: Our announcement is our brand-new openingtitle sequence. Which I think we’re ready for. MATT: So, as we bring it down, guys, let’s goahead and prepare to dive in to the new year and the new campaign for this episode of CriticalRole. (yelling) [80s music] (laughter) MATT: And welcome back. TRAVIS: That was a new level. MATT: We’ve definitely returned to the table.Thank you, Sam. So. MARISHA: Wait, super fast. We’ve got to go throughcredits. Right? Okay. So normally we don’t do this, and I did this once before when we releasedour other opening title sequence. Yeah, 50th. So we’re going to do this again. These are justpeople who do so much and who do not get enough love. I’m going to shout them out. Sean Becker,who’s the unsung hero of Geek and Sundry, he’s the executive producer.T.J. Rotell, he’s ourproduction manager around here, he makes sure that we actually have cameras. Maxwell James, ourproducer that makes this show go every week. Dani Carr, our production coordinator, also hugeproducer here. Steve Sprinkles, who directed that amazing opening title sequence. SAM: That’s not a real name! MARISHA: I know. I love it on the slate. It alwayssays ‘Sprinkles’. Jan-Michael Losada, who is our D.P., and is the same D.P. from last time. TristanSavage-Tate, our first A.C. Sean Delahunt, who is our key grip. Tyler Hart, who is our gaffer, whogaffs everything around here, he’s amazing. Jenny Newman, who did the amazing wardrobe. She sourcedall the wardrobe. Wren Witting, who’s one of our hair and makeup artists. Vanessa Marie, who is oursecond hair and makeup artist. Jose Sosa, who was our production assistant. Selina Ruthe– LAURA: That’s a lot of pieces of paper! MARISHA: I know.Selina Ruthe, who did additionalphotography, and she also does stuff every day. LAURA: Why didn’t you put them on the same pieceof paper? MARISHA: Because I didn’t know there was going tobe this many. Brandon Clark, who was our location manager. Pamela Joy, who shot all the photos forthat, and Loretta Ritchert. LAURA: Yeah, they’re with Heirloom Photography,and they did all of our thumbnails, too. They did that poster. ASHLEY: Go check them out on Instagram! MARISHA: Jason Charles Miller, who does ourmusic.LIAM: Party on, Garthok! MARISHA: Sean Hudson, who does ourpost-production. And Andy Inglat, who edited that thing. Okay. I’m sweating a lot. MATT: That’s okay. So. SAM: What a night. Well, guys… TALIESIN: This has been great. LIAM: Holy shit. MATT: Everyone. Everyone. SAM: Can we open our fricking books yet? MARISHA: Not yet. MATT: Welcome to Wildemount. The year is 835 P.D.,or post-Divergence. This continent is divided both by jagged terrain and political powers. TheMenagerie Coast, a collection of city-states united under the Clovis Concord, monopolizes thesouthwestern shores and ports of Wildemount, thriving on open trade and cultural freedom.Beyond the Cyrios Mountains lies the massive region known as Wynandir, bisected by theAshkeeper Peaks. Eastern Wynandir houses the expansive wastes and turbulent badlands ofXhorhas, overrun with all manner of beasts and terrors, relics from the final battles of theCalamity that ruined that scarred landscape. Northward, you would find the Greying Wildlands, alawless realm harboring a curse that has kept it unconquered by human hands.However, this storybegins in the territory of Western Wynandir, within the boundaries of the Dwendalian Empire.Emerging 13 generations before, the Dwendalian Empire has slowly spread to encompass thesurrounding societies of the region, absorbing the peoples of the Zemni Fields and the Marrow Valley,before finally conquering the Julous Dominion and taking the whole of Western Wynandir for theEmpire. SAM: There will be no test.MATT: No. This is– let me continue. Under therule of the current King Bertrand Dwendal, now in his 68th year, most are left to their own devices.You live as you did before. The crown only takes a tithe of what you produce and earn. You follow itslaws, worship its gods, and bow to its installed local leadership. In return, denizens of theEmpire are protected from the chaotic horrors and shadowed evils that stalk the edges of thecivilized lands. This accord has led to a prosperous century for the Empire, or at least thepolitical elite. Tensions brew beneath the chafing watch of the Crown’s Guard. Every templeis government-owned and run, and worship outside the approved idolatry is met with imprisonment.Rumors of military clashes at the eastern border near Xhorhas have many common folk on edge.Ourstory, however, begins much smaller. Here in the southern reaches of the Marrow Valley, beyond theentry gates of the Wuyun Gorge, lies the small rural town of Trostenwald. Bordering the bluewaters of the Ustaloch, this town came to prominence near the turn of this recent century,when the surrounding fertile farmlands were discovered to produce a unique type of grain andwheat, leading to a boom of breweries. When the glut subsided, three large families stoodtriumphant in the local business of fermented delights. Now Trostenwald thrives on their exportsof fish, crops, and ale. Here in this sleepy trade stop along the Amber Road, a handful of wanderingdestinies slowly begin to intersect. We begin in the early hours of the morning on theday of Grissen in a messy room on the second floor of the Nestled Nook Inn.A bleary-eyed, bruisedman in a tattered coat slowly wakens from his lengthy sleep, catching his small, snoring allycurled at the foot of the bed. Liam, if you would like to describe your character, please. (nervous laughter) LAURA: Oh my god, no pressure! SAM: Were we supposed to prepare this? LIAM: I’m pretty filthy. I have a mess ofreddish-brown hair, and really filthy road clothes. I wear a long coat that I slept in. Islept about 20 hours last night. Jeez. Unshaven, a bit of a mess. SAM: So far you’re just talking about currentLiam. LAURA: What color are your eyes? I need visual. LIAM: They’re blue. That’s it. It was a rough dayyesterday, and– that’s it. MATT: And your name is? LIAM: Oh. Caleb. Caleb Widogast. MATT: All right. As your smaller friend curlsawake, Sam, would you like to describe your character? SAM: Yeah.Um. I am a little goblin girl. (laughter) SAM: I am a goblin. So, you know, the green skin,the green hair, the yellow eyes. And she wears not-great clothes, just like her travelingcompanion there. She hides in the shadows a lot, because she knows goblins aren’t welcome in thispart, and that’s about it. I mean, she’s a little skittish, and right now she’s probably stirringawake as well, right? MATT: Well. What’s your name? SAM: Oh. Nott the Brave. MATT: So Caleb, as you come to consciousness, youglance over and can see, slowly snoring and rousing at about the same time, Nott’s eyes blinkopen, her slowly groaning face looking over towards you. SAM: (high-pitched Cockney accent) Oh! You’re finally awake, I see. Oh yeah, motherfuckers. It’s on. You were out for quite some time, there. Rough day, eh? LIAM: (light German accent) Not our best day, no. SAM: No, I mean, usually you’re so good ateverything, but yesterday you were just– maybe you needed the sleep, is what you needed.LIAM: Thank you. SAM: Well, don’t thank me yet. I should probablytell you what happened while you were asleep. I mean, you were asleep for so long. I got bored,frankly. I was going through my pack and reorganizing. LIAM: Has anybody seen you– seen you seen you? SAM: Well, I mean, many people? I got bored.You’ve never slept that long, so I left, I went downstairs, I thought I’d do a bit ofwindow-shopping, and you know how sometimes I get the itch, you know? LIAM: I do. Did you make it back here okay, atnight? SAM: I’m here, aren’t I? LIAM: Yeah, you are. SAM: Yeah, I did. But I might have been spotted bya few of the Crown’s Guard. LIAM: Did you have the mask on? SAM: No? No, I didn’t.But they didn’t catch me,so. Listen, I’m sorry, sometimes I get the urge, I’ve got to take something, you know? I was tryingto replentish what you lost yesterday, and I failed. LIAM: Well, we– (sighs)– discussed coming to abigger town. It’s going to be a little more difficult now. You can’t go– it was easier onoutskirts, it was easier in farms, but we can’t do that here. SAM: I know, I’m sorry. Yeah. I know. You’reright. Yep. I just got a little bit squiggly. That’s all. LIAM: Okay. Well, I think today you should havethe mask on at all times. SAM: Yeah, good idea, Caleb. LIAM: It’s better when we’re working together. Ifyou need to steal something, do it with my help, all right? SAM: Yeah, yeah, of course.Yeah. LIAM: Back up the conversation a minute. Thankyou. I would not be alive if you had not– you saved my life. So thank you. SAM: Ah, no problem. LIAM: Yesterday was really not great. SAM: Yeah, well, we’ll do better today, right? LIAM: Sure. Sure we will. Are you hungry? SAM: Yeah, I’m starving. MATT: At this point, you notice the gentle smellof cooked meats and promises of mediocre porridge and eggs just barely begins to creep beneath thesubtle floor of your room, meet your nostrils. LIAM: Well, Nott, what are we going to do today? Ican go down and get breakfast and bring it up here. At least– I don’t know. I mean, I’m alittle wary of just splashing back into the town right away. SAM: Let’s go down, get some food. I’ll come withyou, ’cause as you said, we’re better together. And we’ll take it from there. You need some booksand stuff, right? LIAM: Always. SAM: All right, well, that’s on the to-do list.LIAM: All right, well, let’s get something to eat,then. MATT: All right, so you prepare yourself with yourmask set over? SAM: Yes, yeah, so I have a half a mask thatcovers my goblin face, and with the hood over, kind of obscures. Maybe it’s not a goblin, maybeit’s a little halfling person or something. MATT: Which is helpful. The southern, more ruralregion of the Empire, especially near Felderwin, which is one of the largest tilling and farmingareas of the entire Empire, has a very heavy halfling population. And so while this city is notthe core of it, you’d probably see a larger 20-25% of the population here in Trostenwald is halfling.So you pass off pretty decently as long as you keep away from discerning, intent eyes.So the twoof you manage to gather your things for the time being, wander down the stairs from the top floordown to the base of the tavern, which, the air is already bustling with townsfolk and all manner oftravelers preparing to take on the day’s responsibilities. Yorda, the 40-something womanbarkeep with shoulder-length blonde hair and weathered skin that you previously rented yourroom at the inn from, frantically darts behind the bar while the red-headed barmaid rushes from tableto table. It seems that the clientele is a bit more than they were expecting this morning.Yordayells from behind the bar to the barkeep, “Adelaine, two more brats and a bit of mush at thecorner table.” She looks up, “I’m working on it!” And she runs over and heads back to the kitchen.There’s a faint bit of music as two slovenly-looking musicians in the corner aretrying to work for tips with a small hat on the floor that it looks like nobody’s thrown any coininto it. The tables are fairly busy, except for maybe two that appear to be available between thetwo of you guys, if you’d like to find a seat. LIAM: Okay. Sure. Is that easy to do, find aseat? MATT: Yeah, you walk over to it, you sit down. (laughter) LIAM: Is this how D&D works? SAM: What do we roll for? (laughter) MATT: You sit down, and due to the chaos thatensues around you, it takes a little while for Adelaine, the red-headed barmaid, to come by, andshe scoots by the table.”I’m terribly sorry. What “can I get you?” SAM: You know, meat if you have it, but if youdon’t, that’s okay, too. Potatoes, or bacon if it’s on the menu, but really anything– MATT: “I can get you all three, it’s fine. Whatyou want?” LIAM: A Trost for each of us, please. MATT: “For breakfast? I like you. All right, twoTrosts and a bunch of meats. Be right back.” And she rushes off, she pulls her hair back and ties it asshe goes into the kitchen, getting ready for the midst of chaos. While you guys have a moment thereat the table, you can hear conversation muttering around you, and you have a brief bit of privacy todiscuss. LIAM: Yes, I need books, that’s true, but did youfind drink yesterday? SAM: I have a little left in my flask. LIAM: How much? SAM: Just a couple swigs. LIAM: So that’s also on the to-do list, then. SAM: I mean, if you don’t want me to get toojittery, yeah. LIAM: All right. Okay. So we’ll do that first.SAM: All right. TRAVIS: I love her. (laughter) MATT: A short time passes before the two plattersare rushed over and scattered across the front of your table with a clattering. Pile of meats thereset for you, a little bit placed on the side, because you might need, especially with the lookon your face– Adelaine gives you a glance and goes, “Put something in your belly.” Comes backand slides two Trosts to you. SAM: I remove my little mask, and then just go(eating noises).(laughter) LIAM: I take the last piece. MATT: As you guys are partway through your meal–let’s see, this would be Caleb. You notice out of the corner of your eye a gentleman enter the doorlooking kind of meek. Middle-age, looks work-hardened. He has a heavy chin-beard that isunkempt and a bit wild, but his eyes are warm. He’s holding his hat in his grip, and he scans theroom with an eager glance before his face brightens, and he begins to push his way acrossthe room, in your direction, it looks like.He scoots over towards your table, and as you’reabout to turn and see what he’s about– LIAM: I’m putting my hand on my purse. MATT: –he pivots to the table next to youinstead. He turns to you three. (yelps) LAURA: We’ve just been sitting here this wholetime! MATT: Yeah. You’ve met this man the day before,Rinaldo, the fisherman, who you had aided.And as he approaches, he goes, “Might I sit, please?” LAURA: Of course, take a seat. SAM: What’s that? MATT: As he sits down in his chair, I would askeach of you to please describe yourselves, starting with you, Laura. LAURA: (Slavic accent) Oh, well, okay. I’m just, you know, a little blue tiefling, that’s all, with blue hair. And I’m wearing a pretty cute dress, that’s all.And I’m having a good time, you know? We’re just having a good time here at breakfast.MATT: All right. And you? MARISHA: Uh, yeah. Yeah. I’m, you know,simple girl, simple needs. Just wearing nice, baggy clothes, some monk vestiges. They’re in nice bluesand greys. You notice I have a blue sash around my belt. Got a nice shave going on, little undercut.Looks like maybe I put on makeup two days ago, and I’m like, yeah, it’s still holding up. It’s fine.I can work with that. SAM: What’s your name? MATT: We’ll get to that. Thank you. And Travis, ifyou’d like to describe yourself, please? TRAVIS: (Texan drawl) Yeah, I’m here too. (laughter) TRAVIS: I’m a half-orc, sitting here in beat-upleathers. Have a big scar across my face. SAM: (sings ‘Bad to the Bone’) (laughter) TRAVIS: Green skin tone, and got some piecemealarmor put together and stuff.My name’s Fjord. LAURA: You’re very handsome. I just need to tellyou. TRAVIS: Thank you. Appreciate that. MATT: As Rinaldo sits down, clutching his hatstill in his hands, says, “I thank you for your “time. Fjord. And, I apologize, I forget yournames.” MARISHA: Beauregard. MATT: “Beauregard. And?” LAURA: Jester. MATT: “Jester, thank you. You all came when no oneelse would yesterday, and because of you my “daughter is still alive.” MARISHA: Oh yeah. Sorry for being a pessimisticasshole, by the way, when we first came into town. MATT: “Oh, that’s okay.” MARISHA: I’m not used to things turning out good. MATT: “You’ll do well this side of the Empire.Anyway. I won’t keep you, but I– we spoke “yesterday, and I didn’t have much to give you.Sent you away with nothing but my gratitude. But “I’ve been asking around the other fishermen,lochsmen, and we’ve put together a little bit of “coin for your troubles, so.” And he turns his capover on the table, and this catches your attention, you hear this clattering of coin.Youreyes glance over, especially you, Nott, and watch as he leaves this pile of what looks to be mostlycopper and silver pieces, with a couple of glimmers of gold, and as soon as it clattersacross the hard wood table here in the center of the tavern, other faces begin to turn, gatherattention as to what’s happening over here in the back edge, and he takes his cap back and pushes itforward towards all of you, his dirty, you can see cracked and very callused fingers shoving it inyour direction, before taking his hat and placing it back over his head. LAURA: So cool! LIAM: Those coins went all over the floor? MATT: All over the table.”I hope it’s helpful.But thank you.” MARISHA: Yeah, yeah. Oh wait. TRAVIS: We can’t accept this, right? I mean, it’stoo much. MARISHA: We’re supposed to at least say that,right? And then still accept it, right? TRAVIS: I think you’re supposed to do it if yousay it. LAURA: Well, I mean, he did go around to a bunchof people. That was a lot of work on his part. I would hate to make him go back to all of thosepeople and give it back to each individual person. TRAVIS: Fine, fine. MARISHA: If he didn’t keep a ledger, you know. Wewouldn’t want to do that. It’s rude not to accept a gift, right? It’s rude not to accept a gift,right? MATT: “I would hope that is the case. Anyway.Thank you very much. I am sorry for getting in “your way.” And he stands up and gives you all anod and rushes out of the tavern, a little embarrassed by all the attention that’s now placedon him by the other patrons, and as he leaves, everyone goes back to their business, a couple ofwandering eyes starting to count what coins are there as you slowly mitt them in your direction.LAURA: Divide it up. MARISHA: Okay, okay. MATT: There are four gold pieces amongst the pile,22 silver, and 48 copper pieces. TRAVIS: Can I clock the room, see who else iswatching her count? MATT: Perception check. 48 copper. TRAVIS: Is this the first roll? MATT: First roll of the campaign. TRAVIS: Natural 20. (cheering) MATT: And that’s how you start it. All right. LAURA: So I’m leaving it to you to do thatcounting. Which is really hard for me, personally, but there you go.MARISHA: How do you split up four gold? We havefour gold and there’s only three of us. LAURA: Don’t know. TRAVIS: Well, I actually did pretty good at thatcard game, so you can have mine. MARISHA: Aw. I will. Okay. LAURA: So two for each of us! That’s great. MARISHA: Oh, that’s good. One for you, two forme, two for– oh wait, no, wait, math doesn’t make sense. SAM: She’s your treasurer? MATT: This is going to go great. LAURA: It’s hard not being the treasurer. MARISHA: I’ll give two to Jester, one for you, onefor me. And then 22 silver, that’s– LAURA: Tell you what, you do that math. MATT: While you’re counting this out and figuringout the division of your gains, Fjord, you glance about, narrowing your orcish eyes across the room,and you can see two other tables there are some gentlemen who are peering over, and as soon asthey meet your gaze, they go right back to their business and completely shrink away.There’s a manand a hooded figure at a table immediately adjacent to you. The man looks rather filthy, hishair a bit unkempt, and he’s trying to finish his drink. However, the smaller halfling-lookingfigure is just glaring intently, and is slowly leaning in the direction of the table. TRAVIS: That’s creepy. Fucking disgusting. I thinkwe have people watching us.LAURA: Who is watching us? TRAVIS: Well, just take a look right over there. SAM: Don’t arouse suspicion, but did you hear allthat coin hit that table, Caleb? LIAM: I did. It’s on the table, though, so I thinkon the table it will stay. SAM: Yes, but we could follow them out. We coulddo the Moneypot. We could run Rat Food. We could do Prince and the Pauper to get it from them. Wecould try Spider Eyes. Any of those could work– LAURA: Are you guys staying here? MATT: This blue-skinned tiefling suddenly leansover to you at the table.SAM: Don’t move. Don’t move. Tieflings can onlysee movement. LIAM: I don’t think that’s true– LAURA: It’s very true, we have a hard time seeingthings that aren’t moving, it’s very true. But I can hear you. You should take a bath. You know theyhave showers here. It’s possible. LIAM: A what now? LAURA: You bathe yourself in water. LIAM: No, I’ve bathed before, yeah, I know what abath is. LAURA: It’s because you smell really bad, and it’swafting over this direction.I’m just letting you know. I would hate if I smelled that bad andsomeone didn’t tell me. LIAM: I’ve only just met you. LAURA: Hi! I’m Jester. LIAM: Hi, I’m Caleb. LAURA: Nice to meet you, Caleb. How much silverdid I just get? MARISHA: Seven! LAURA: Woo! (laughter) MARISHA: And 16 copper. Aren’t you all jealous? SAM: Morning. MARISHA: Morning. MATT: Make a perception check, Beauregard andJester. LAURA: Whoa. LIAM: Are you checking your DnD Beyond specs? MARISHA: I am, I’m adding my– LAURA: 22. I haven’t even flipped over mycharacter sheet yet. This is crazy. MARISHA: 19. MATT: Okay. The somewhat meek female halflingwho’s now suddenly very reserved, and not as filthy as the human compatriot that she keeps,seems less and less halfling the more you glance in her direction. The ears are folded inward butelongated, the tinges of green to the skin, and with the little words that have poked through herlips, you can see what appear to be teeth more jagged than expected of the half-folk.MARISHA: I just shout over and I say, goodmorning, in Halfling. SAM: I know Halfling, right? Yes. I’ll shout back,top of the morning to you. (laughter) MARISHA: Would you like a coffee? I’d love to buyyou a coffee. SAM: We’ve got– free coffee? Yeah, yeah, I’lltake it. Sure. Thank you. TRAVIS: You’re being mighty fucking friendly. Theywere looking at our coin.MARISHA: Why can’t they have been looking at me?Maybe they were looking at me. TRAVIS: I didn’t think of that. MARISHA: Maybe they were looking at you. As Jestersaid, you’re handsome. LIAM: Just– LAURA: Yes? LIAM: Nott. SAM: He said “Jest”. LAURA: I just thought you said my name, is all. MARISHA: Oh, I said your name. Oh, they might havesaid your name, too. LIAM: Never mind, never mind. Could I get anotherTrost over here, please? SAM: Two, please, right away. MATT: Eventually Adelaine comes by and brings twofresh Trosts to the table, glancing about at the unique tension in the air right here. “Would youlike anything as well?” LAURA: Oh, yes.Lots of baked goods if you havethem, please. TRAVIS: Pork belly, if you have it. MARISHA: I don’t think I’ve seen you eat anythingother than pastries. LAURA: I really like them. MARISHA: I’m kind of concerned for yourwell-being. It’s fine, I’m not that concerned. Eat whatever you want. I’ll have bacon, someham, whatever. MATT: “All right, pork it is. I’ll be right back.”She rushes off to the kitchen. You guys continue to awkwardly stare at each other. LIAM: I’m going to put my hand up and say,quietly, to Nott, the Moneypot is not for them. It’s not for them, it’s for farmers. Okay? SAM: Yeah, you’re right, you’re right. MARISHA: Do we notice them whispering? MATT: With your perception rolls earlier? Yes.LIAM: But I said it really quietly. (laughter) MATT: She rolled a 22. LIAM: But she can hear my little whisper? MATT: No, you heard the whisper, you’re not surewhat the words are. You can see that they’re whispering. Being mysterious. LAURA: Okay, cool. SAM: In Halfling, I’ll say to Beau– MARISHA: Beau for short works. SAM: Are you in town for business or pleasure? MARISHA: Can I insight check him, see what he’shiding? MATT: Make an insight check. MARISHA: Okay. What’s my insight, I can’tremember.LAURA: What is he saying? I mean you, you’re agirl. What is she saying? Shit. That’s really hard to remember now. SAM: You’re asking me what I’m saying. LAURA: Yeah, what did you just say? MARISHA: 13. MATT: 13? I mean, seems to be genuine. Hard toread through all the wrappings, shadow, and the hood still obscuring the face. LAURA: Do you have the mask covering you? SAM: I think I do.MATT: Yeah, it’s this porcelain covering that haspainted lips. It’s a little unsettling. LIAM: I mean, I’m sorry, not to be blunt, but, youknow. It’s pretty obvious goblins are not welcome strolling about. LAURA: She’s a goblin?! SAM: Yeah, yeah, but you don’t have to make a bigthing of it, all right? There could be people here who don’t know. LIAM: That’s right. She’s my companion, she’s myfriend. There’s nothing to make a big deal about. That’s why she’s wrapped up. Just leave it,please. LAURA: I didn’t ask why she was wrapped up. MARISHA: I know, we’re not making a big deal outit. You’re making a big deal out of it. LIAM: Somebody asked why she was wrapped up.LAURA: No, nobody asked. LIAM: Somebody said the words– this is Liam–“Why are you all wrapped up?” MARISHA: Oh, I asked if she was cold. (laughter) SAM: That’s concern. MATT: As Caleb finishes oversharing. LIAM: Vaxleth is over. It’s so over! MARISHA: Those are old times, man. That was adifferent universe. Different life. MATT: At this point, there is a bit of a commotiontowards the entrance of the tavern. Two shadows step into the doorway of the nearish-noonday sun.The figures, one eclipsing the other from behind, begin to step in. You notice one of them begins tostep from table to table, glancing about with a sort of grace to the movement, the other staying afew feet behind. Taliesin, if you’d like to describe your character, please. LAURA: I didn’t think we were going to meet you sosoon! TALIESIN: Neither did I. ASHLEY: I didn’t either. TALIESIN: But here we are. A lavender– damn it,Travis. A lavender tiefling with red eyes and very pierced, extremely ostentatious horns that arepierced with little gems and little baubles.He’s got a tattoo that seems to be running up the sideof his face, a peacock tattoo that goes off into his very ostentatious, ridiculous, overblown robesthat he wears. His two swords and pouch dangling at the side of his hips. He’s very broad in hisdress. LIAM: So a literal and figurative peacock. TALIESIN: Oh yes. TRAVIS: One of your characters? No. TALIESIN: I know, mine. Who knew? MATT: As this tiefling darts from table to table,a few feet behind, you see– ASHLEY: Wait, did you say your name? TALIESIN: I didn’t say my name. ASHLEY: Okay. So there is a woman behind him. Tallerthan your average… lass. (laughter) ASHLEY: She’s very, very, very pale-skinned. Herhair is black that starts to turn white as it gets longer. It’s matted, it’s dreaded, it’s braided.Her clothes are a bit tattered, but just sort of– she’s a bit of a mess, and she has two differentcolor eyes.One of them is a light greenish-blue, and the other is a violet color. And she’s verystandoffish, hunch-y, arms folded. MATT: You watch as these figures slowly move fromtable to table, the tiefling engaging in some distant conversation, leaving a slip of paper,walking to the next table. Gauging the atmosphere, not leaving a slip of paper, and quickly movingon, and then eventually your eyes meet what looks to be two tables with a very motley crew ofindividuals that are both awkwardly avoiding their own tension and currently trying to figure youout.TALIESIN: Can I tell if– where are they in thedispensement of the coin? Can I tell they have a little coin on them? Did I catch any of that? MATT: They’ve completed distributing, so you don’tsee any coin, unfortunately. TALIESIN: Well. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen agroup of people more in need of a good time in my entire life. Mollymauk Tealeaf of the Fletchingand Moondrop Traveling Carnival of Curiosities. If there was ever a group of people that needed agood time to go out, have a laugh, see things that you have never seen before, and my god, take myword for it, one month’s time, people will be buying your ale to hear the tale of what you sawat the Traveling Carnival of Curiosities this night.LAURA: We saw your tent going up! We did! MARISHA: We were actually going to go without theflyer, but now we also have a flyer. TALIESIN: It’s just five copper. A steal. At fivesilver, it would be a steal, at five gold? Worth every penny. But if you’ve got the five copper tospend, we would happily have you all.LAURA: Do you perform? TALIESIN: Ah. I’m less of a performer and more ofan intermediary for these parts. I do on occasion perform. I can read fortunes– LAURA: (gasps) I was going to ask if you readfortunes! Can you do one now? TALIESIN: I knew you were going to ask that. LAURA: (gasps) Oh my gosh, you’re so smart. Lookat this guy, he knows everything! TALIESIN: I’m going to sit down at the table. MATT: Okay. He goes and sits down at this table,finishing his presentation. One of the barmaids comes up to you, and looks up. You’re standingalmost a solid seven inches taller than her. “Miss, can I get you a drink?” ASHLEY: (deadpan) Yes could I have a drink,please.Just some ale. MATT: “Coming right up. Any preferences for thefamily? Baumbauch?” LAURA: Stay clear of Baumbauch. They’re dicks. MARISHA: That’s kind of true. ASHLEY: Just a big. MATT: “Husseldorf, then. All right. Be rightback.” And she wanders off. TALIESIN: Well. Who has coin for a fortune? LAURA: Do you know my name? TALIESIN: What is your name? LAURA: Jester. TALIESIN: I know your name now! LAURA and TALIESIN: (laugh) LAURA: What is your name? TALIESIN: Oh, my name is Molly to my friends, andwe’re friends, now, aren’t we? Pleasure.LAURA: Molly. Look at this guy. TALIESIN: Mollymauk. Molly for short. This isYasha, she’s a charm. ASHLEY: Hello. MARISHA: Yasha. Yasha. TALIESIN: Now. Would anyone like a fortune read? LAURA: I would love one. TALIESIN: Do you have coin? LAURA: Yes. How much do you want? TALIESIN: Two copper. LAURA: Two copper, okay, I just got some copper.Here you go. MATT: Mark down your two copper. (laughs) TALIESIN: I am taking this in.All right. (sighs)I’m going to try and do this. LAURA: Oh my gosh, really? MATT: So, as he pulls out a small set of cards andbegins to shuffle them, go ahead and roll an insight check. ASHLEY: (deadpan) He’s really quite good, youall should line up and get your fortunes told. (laughter) TALIESIN: Let’s do a 16 there. MATT: Okay, so you get a brief conversation here,you get a pretty solid read: the excitability, the eagerness, and the exuberant interest in justgetting in your face that this person wants– any fortune you tell will probably suffice. Go aheadand roll a sleight-of-hand check as well. SAM: Look at this fucking game! (laughter) TALIESIN: Also 16. MATT: Yeah. And you feel pretty confident that hereyes are locked onto your eyes at the moment and not the deck, as you set up a proper reading.Andthe cards are shuffled, set, you place them before you, and you may give your fortune. SAM: I’m going to just keep my eyes open for anytricks of the hand, sleight-of-hand-y-type tricks. MATT: Make a perception check. SAM: Okay. Perception. 14. MATT: 14. All right. Everything seems prettyabove-board. TALIESIN: Your first card, the Silver Dragon. Thisis good. You’re pure, you’re virtue, you are a worthwhile and wonderful human being, obviously,or creature of some repute. LAURA: That’s what everyone always tells me. TALIESIN: It’s true. And heading towards theAnvil. LAURA: What is that? TALIESIN: That is a destiny forged. ASHLEY: (deadpan) Ohh. TALIESIN: There is something bright andadventurous in your future. LAURA: Wow! You know, we did just defeat a reallybig snake? So maybe there’s even bigger things coming up, you know? TALIESIN: Can I make another roll? MATT: Sure.SAM: Ashley confirmed worst hype-man ever. (laughter) TALIESIN: 19. MATT: Yeah, easy enough. Even with discerning eyesat the table, you are at the top of your game. TALIESIN: The Serpent card appears. Of course youdid. LAURA: (gasps) Oh my gosh! Look at that! How didyou even do that? TALIESIN: That’s all the cards. I’m simply avessel for higher powers. LIAM: While everybody’s watching this shit happen,may I cast Detect Magic? MATT: You may. You lean back and subtly begin a briefmuttering of an incantation, your fingers wash through the air, a faint silver gleam across yourfingertips. Nothing magical shows up in the immediate vicinity. LAURA: Will you ask the cards if I’m going to findhim? TALIESIN: If you’re going to find her? LAURA: Him. TALIESIN: Give me a little bit more. Who’s this’him’ that you’re looking for? LAURA: I’m looking for my dad. TALIESIN: 14. MATT: You fumble for a second, but the card stillfinds its way through without issue.TALIESIN: Pushing through, pushing through. TheEye card pulls up. You’ve already found the clue you’re looking for. You just don’t know what it isyet. LAURA: Really? TALIESIN: Apparently. Well, it’s what the cardsare saying. It’s right in front of you. LAURA: Wow. Does it say how long ago I found it?Because that’s– TALIESIN: Sadly, I don’t have that sort ofspecifics. That’s much more expensive. LAURA: That’s going to take a lot of thinking. TALIESIN: Well, you find us at the show, you’llfind my tent and I’d be happy to give you a more complicated reading. LAURA: I can’t wait! It’s going to be so muchfun. TALIESIN: So much fun. MATT: Yasha, at this point, the barmaid, Adelaine,comes up and hands you the ordered ale. ASHLEY: Thank you, my lady. MATT: “On the house.” TALIESIN: On the house! ASHLEY: That’s very kind of you.MARISHA: Do you perform in the circus, too? ASHLEY: No. I do not. I just– I put it up. MARISHA: Oh, cool. TRAVIS: The tent. LAURA: It’s a big tent. It would take a lot ofwork. ASHLEY: I put up the stage, I move things around.I’m very strong. But I don’t do anything in the show. TALIESIN: Some of our acts are a littlecomplicated, with performers who are not of the traditional variety. Can make some of the localsget a little shifty, if you know what I mean, and it’s good to have a few people around who arecapable of keeping issues contained.MARISHA: Is that why it says ‘No admittance to theelderly’? You don’t want to deal with those riley elderly. Or the ill, yeah. Why no elderly, though?Ill kind of makes sense, but elderly? TALIESIN: We cannot be held responsible foranything that may happen to someone who is ill or infirm. It is such an exciting, impressive show. ASHLEY: We’ve had people die watching it.Yeah. It’s just that exciting. Just from excitement. TRAVIS: Did they die in the show, or from watchingit? ASHLEY: Yeah, just like heart attack. Just fromgetting so excited, I guess. MARISHA: We gotta get so wasted. LAURA: When is it? How long is it? When is it? MATT: It is actually the day of Grissen, and yourfirst show is today.TALIESIN: First show is tonight. LAURA: Well, we have plans tonight! MARISHA: Yay! LAURA: Do you stinky people want to come with us? SAN: I– Caleb, we don’t have any plans tonight. Iguess we could go along. I wouldn’t mind seeing it. MARISHA: It’ll be fun! TALIESIN: Or you could stay here and buy beer forthe people who do see the shows, and you can hear all about it and pay more.LIAM: Yeah, we can go. LAURA: It’s going to be so much fun. SAM: Yeah, yeah, it sounds like a good night.Yeah. LAURA: Look at all these friends we’re makinghere. This is a good city. SAM: Yeah, it is. MARISHA: Yeah, yeah. TALIESIN: You are all the most charming people I’vemet in– yes. I finish my beer. (sighs) Well, we’d better be getting on. ASHLEY: Yep, nice to meet you all. You’re so, uh,wonderful. TALIESIN: Charm. Pure charm. See you tonight! MATT: And as they leave you, Yasha just downs herentire ale, slams it on the table, and they both walk out, passing a couple more flyers at offtables, and then exit out to the rest of the day’s sun beyond your sight. MARISHA: She was awesome. TRAVIS: She didn’t say much. MARISHA: That’s why I liked her. LAURA: She was really, really cool. Did you seethat cool thing she had going on with her chin? That’s interesting. I wish I would have thought ofsomething like that. MARISHA: Yeah, I mean, you could maybe dosomething like that in time.Just wait until maybe– LAURA: So she doesn’t know I copied. I can’t do ittonight. MARISHA: No, no. LAURA: Wow. Cool. What do you guys want to donow? (laughter) TRAVIS: Was he using magic? LAURA: I don’t know. MARISHA: Are you– you’re superstitious. Yeah? LAURA: No. MARISHA: Okay. LAURA: No, I’m not superstitious at all. MARISHA: You– sure. LAURA: Why? MARISHA: I mean, what he was working in was– hewas doing a little like– he– he’s a smart guy. He’s a smart guy. LAURA: By the way, did you open your Christmaspresent from me? TALIESIN: No, not yet, no. LAURA: You should go open it! Yes! Go grab thebag! TALIESIN: On the break. On the break, I’ll grabit. SAM: Hey, Matt. Dungeon master. They’re wearingwhat they described. They’re not wearing any cloaks or anything right now, are they? MATT: Both of them have small cloaks over theshoulders, Beau has a– SAM: Do I recognize those cloaks? MATT: No, you do not.LAURA: What? Why would you recognize the cloaks? SAM: Maybe I saw something. I don’t know. MATT: No, you do not. SAM: I didn’t see them last night? MATT: No. SAM: Okay. Interesting. MARISHA: Mysteries. LIAM: Also, for the record, there was nothingmagic about that. Maybe he’s good at reading people, but that was not magic. SAM: Caleb knows everything about magic. He’s beeneven teaching me some. He’s real good. You should see him– LIAM: Nott– LAURA: Caleb, are you going to go the Academy? LIAM: (strained laugh) That’s silly. SAM: He could if he wanted to. He’s really good atmagic. He can make a cat appear and disappear whenever he wants. LAURA: Really? A cat? LIAM: (snaps) MATT: You watch as just beneath the table, thisorange patchy tabby leaps up. MARISHA: Oh, shit! What’s his name? LAURA: Or her name! LIAM: Well, it is a he. This is my cat Frumpkin.Frumpkin, yes. LAURA: Aw! Can I call him Lumpy? LIAM: You can call him Frumpkin.LAURA: Look at this Lumpy! Made in England. (laughter) LIAM: That was a little show gift from Marisha, sothis is Frumpkin. LAURA: That’s so great. SAM: That’s not all he can do. Caleb, tell them allthe stuff you can do. It’s really impressive! LIAM: You know, sometimes less is more. LAURA: I can do things, too. SAM: With magic? LAURA: Yeah. SAM: Like what? LAURA: Like– SAM: Not to me, not to me! LAURA: Like– oh, gosh. Okay. I’m going to useThaumaturgy and I’m going to make all the windows in the place open up really fast, like crashopen. MATT: Okay. You watch as four of the nearbywindows slam open with a sudden burst of wind, and all the various bits of torchlight that light thedeeper and more shadowed corners of the room suddenly darken and flicker. The music suddenlycomes to a stop. Everyone holds their position and glances over at the table where you’re all sitting. TRAVIS: Jester, don’t you remember us talkingabout keeping a low profile? LAURA: You’re right. I’m sorry. I use Thaumaturgyand I close all the windows.(laughter) MATT: They all slam shut a second time. The lightflickers and then brightens back to its normal place. LAURA: Ta-da! MARISHA: Yeah! Yeah! LAURA: Come see me tonight at the carnival! I’mreally good! MATT: One really crotchety-looking guy in hisearly 50s with a super underbite, probably missing most of his teeth, just goes– (laughter) LIAM: I telepathically tell Frumpkin to jump upand sit in the lap of the woman in the monk’s robes who just made a big scene and hopefully keepher occupied with being cute. MATT: Okay. As soon as you sit down, Frumpkinleaps into your lap and starts purring and rubbing up against your hand. MARISHA: Hey, buddy. Look at this kitty! I thinkhe likes me. LIAM: Sure, right now he likes you. MARISHA: Is this a real cat? Or is this a fakecat? LIAM: What do you mean, a fake cat? MARISHA: Like a magic cat.LIAM: He’s both a real cat and a magic cat. MARISHA: Is he an illusion cat? LIAM: Do you feel him? TRAVIS: Could you put him over there? MARISHA: Are you allergic to Frumpkins? Oh no! LAURA: But he’s a magic cat. How can you beallergic to magic cats? TRAVIS: I’m pretty sure he’s a real fucking cat. MARISHA: He’s one of those hypoallergenic magiccats. LIAM: I don’t know what the Fifth Edition rulesare– LAURA: –for cat dander? MATT: As far as you know right now? Yeah, he’shaving an actual allergic attack. A minor one. MARISHA: I walk away a little bit from Fjord. LIAM: Shit. (laughter) SAM: Well, you’re both magic-users, then. And sois the larger fellow? TRAVIS: Well, I mean, a little. LAURA: Yeah, I mean, he’s learning. He’s gettingreally good at it. TRAVIS: Trying to learn more. LAURA: Yeah, you should have seen him. Hedisguised himself the other day, and it was like, (clicks tongue). TRAVIS: Thanks, Jester. She’s better at it than Iam. We’re trying to make our way up to the Academy to get a little bit more learning done.LAURA: Well, he’s going to learn. I’m not going togo to the Academy. MARISHA: Man, this Academy place keeps gettingbrought up. TRAVIS: Well yeah, it’s the place to be. MARISHA: Okay. SAM: I’m sorry, what Academy are we talkingabout? TRAVIS: Solstryce Academy. You know. MATT: Soltryce. LAURA: Yeah, that one. SAM: The Soul Train Academy. LIAM: It’s a very fancy place. TRAVIS: You know it. LIAM: I have heard of it. TRAVIS: And you have arcane talents as well. LIAM: Yeah. LAURA: How long have you had yours? LIAM: That’s a tricky question. I studied when Iwas younger, and then I gave it up for a while. I picked it up again recently. It’s allbook-learned. LAURA: Wow, that’s cool. MARISHA: This was a good way to go for yourfirst. LAURA: A frickin’ cat! MARISHA: This is kind of therapeutic. Making mefeel better, just about life in general. TRAVIS: (sneezes) MARISHA: All right. SAM: He reads lots of books, Caleb does. He’s verysmart. In fact, should we go looking for more right now? LIAM: Maybe in a little while. LAURA: Can I see one of your books? LIAM: Well– and I pull apart the lapels of mycoat.I have books in what modern-day people like to think of as holster-straps, but there’s a bookhanging here. SAM: I think ancient people would call it aholster as well. LIAM: Bap-bap-bap. The books are right here. Ihave these, but these are heirlooms, family heirlooms, so I don’t share those, but– no, Ilike to read. That’s all. And I’m a bit of a self-starter, so I have to find– I mean, goodluck at the Academy. That’s rough, I hear. TRAVIS: Do you know anything about it? We’re justgoing up. Beginner’s luck. LAURA: We know it’s rich people that go there. Wehave to find a way to get you in. LIAM: All I know is how hard it is to get into. SAM: You don’t have a lot of money, then? LAURA: Well. TRAVIS: No. LAURA: We had more. MARISHA: But then we lost it, but then we got itback. TRAVIS: Somebody has a gambling problem. SAM: Oh.Which one? LAURA: What’s the name of it again? MATT: It is the Crick-Queen’s Call. LAURA: Have you played it? SAM: No, I haven’t. LAURA: I’ll teach you someday. It’s so much fun. SAM: It’s a game? LAURA: Yes. SAM: Cards? All right. I might like to know that. LAURA: I mean, I can teach you, if you want. SAM: Yes, I would like to know that. LAURA: Okay, I’ll deal! SAM: Oh, right now? LAURA: Yes, sure, this will be fun. SAM: Is this okay? LIAM: Listen, I would not be sitting here if itwere not for you.Do whatever you like. LAURA: Okay. You draw three cards. Well, I giveyou three cards. So you use 3d6. SAM: 3d6. LAURA: Yeah. SAM: Got one. I’m not you. I have one of eachdice. (laughter) LAURA: Okay. So hide your roll from me, because wecan’t know. So first you have to ante up. How much coin do you want to put in? SAM: I’m out. (laughter) LIAM: It’s all right. I will front some coin foryou to play this game. LAURA: Oh, great! How much do you want to fronthim? LIAM: I will give you a silver piece. LAURA: A silver. Okay, this is great. SAM: Thank you, Caleb. Thank you. LIAM: Wish I had more. LAURA: Okay. Am I doing this right? MATT: So far. LAURA: Now I’m going to give us three cards, so weboth roll, but we can’t see.That’s good. Okay. MARISHA: Don’t say ‘that’s good’. LAURA: Bluffing. How do you know I wasn’t? SAM: I’m going to try to change one of my cards. LAURA: No, wait, there’s rules! SAM: Without you seeing. MATT: Make a sleight-of-hand check. SAM: 12 plus eight, so that’s 20. MATT: Make a perception check. LAURA: No, he totally did it. She totally did it.This is really hard, Sam. LIAM: You’re only an hour and a half in. SAM: This is my only skill, guys. LAURA: But, you know, that’s my skill, too. SAM: Oh, shit. LAURA: So I’m going to try to do it as well,’cause that’s my skill as well. MATT: Well, first, what’d you roll for– LAURA: I did not notice him doing it. MATT: Okay, yeah, so you only get to reroll one ofthe dice. LAURA: Okay, so I’m going to try to reroll one ofmy three, too.MATT: Go ahead. So make a sleight-of-hand check. LAURA: Oh, right. Oh, shit. SAM: Do I notice her? MATT: Well, roll a perception check. SAM: Nope. LAURA: 13? SAM: No, I rolled three. LAURA: Okay. So the best hand you can get is threeof a kind. Then, after that, it’s a straight. A high straight. Then a low straight. Then it’s ifyou get all evens, or if you get all odds, then it’s two of a kind, then it’s nothing, it’s justhigh card. Okay, but now we put in a second amount, because you can up the ante, and you getone more card. SAM: I’m out. LAURA: No, but wait, wait, wait. You can put inmore money, and then I deal you a different card. You get to give a card back, and then I deal youanother card. SAM: Should I? Caleb, do you have any more? LIAM: Because you saved my life yesterday, you mayhave one more silver piece.LAURA: One more silver. Okay, I’ll keep it low,too, because you’re only doing the one. So I only put in one silver, too. MATT: That’s a four-silver pot. LAURA: Yes. And now give one of your dice back,whichever one you don’t want, and roll it again. MATT: So you get to reroll. SAM: Okay, got it. MATT: And you get to reroll one as well. LAURA: I don’t want to reroll any.Okay. Now youshow what you got and we’ll see who wins. SAM: I got a pair of fours. LAURA: I got three fives. SAM: I draw my shortsword. (laughter) MARISHA: I immediately grapple him. MATT: Make an athletics check. You make anacrobatics check. SAM: Acrobatics? 24. MARISHA: 14. MATT: So the female goblin draws a shortsword. Youreach out to grab, and she slips out of your grasp and is now holding the blade at the edge of thetable. SAM: You’re cheating. Somehow you’re cheating. LIAM: Nott, Nott, that’s fine. That’s fine. Shewon my two silver pieces. We’ll just leave it at that. SAM: I’m sorry. LIAM: That’s okay. She’s very jumpy sometimes. Youcan understand; we’ve been living in the woods for a long time. Every time we come near any placelike this, we’re attacked, jumped, followed.So I apologize on behalf of– SAM: That was stupid. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t havedone that. I’m sorry. LAURA: No, it’s okay. Just don’t do it again. ButI’m sorry I took all this money from your friend. LIAM: That’s making it worse. TRAVIS: Maybe you could give some of it back. LAURA: Why, though? But I won it. SAM: Your Laura is showing. (laughter) LAURA: Tell you what. I’ll give you– none of itback, I can’t! Okay, here’s one silver back– LIAM: No, I insist. LAURA: Okay, but I insist, all the money back. Allright, fine, it’s mine, thank you. Yay. SAM: I need another drink. LIAM: A round of Trosts for both our tables,please. LAURA: See? Isn’t that the most fun? SAM: It’s fun. MATT: Yorda looks over and goes, “Any preferenceof family?” LIAM: Not Baumbauch. MATT: “Von Brandt it is.” MARISHA: I’m impressed that you stuck to taking aguy’s money in a training game.LAURA: Right? Oh, wait, is that bad? MARISHA: Meh. LAURA: Well, I only learned last night, you guys. LIAM: What is a training game? MARISHA: Just meaning when she was teaching. LAURA: People took my money when I was learning. LIAM: It’s fine. It’s water under the bridge. It’sfine. It’s all right. MATT: Another round is brought to your table. Youguys can share a solemn post-game drink amongst yourselves. LIAM: If you feel slightly worse, there’s a drinkon me. LAURA: Oh jeez, now I’m definitely giving you yourtwo silver back. Don’t worry about it, man. (laughter) SAM: She’s just a couple of wild and crazy guysover here.(laughter) LAURA: Have my baked goods come out yet? MATT: They have. Your meal’s been presented for awhile now. You’ve had the opportunity to eat most of your meal. SAM: That’s real. MATT: That is actually real. That’s the power ofimagination, Sam. That wasn’t there a second ago. TALIESIN: Bangarang! (laughter) TALIESIN: Right there for you. MATT: So you all finish your independent meals anddecide to continue your conversations or go about your business for the day. LAURA: I just want to go to the carnival. LIAM: That’s later tonight, though, isn’t it? MATT: If you have no other business, we can waituntil dusk.SAM: Well, there’s that board on the wall. Hasanything new been posted on the board? MATT: You go ahead and take a look at it. There isone sheet that pertains to somebody in the Hills Ward looking for folks to go ahead and do anextermination run near the southern portion of the Ustaloch. It looks like there’s what looks to bea vole infestation.TRAVIS: What the fuck is a vole? MATT: It’s a small rat. LAURA: Should we do it? MARISHA: I mean, we have to kill Rodents ofUnusual Size. SAM: That doesn’t sound interesting to me at all. TRAVIS: What else is there? MATT: Currently, it looks like there was anothersheet that looks like most has been torn off. The rest of the board is pretty empty at the moment. LIAM: DM, did I tear that? I can’t remember. MATT: You did, yes. SAM: Wasn’t it a delivery thing? LIAM: That was what it was, yeah. MATT: It was to help move and load crates at oneof the local breweries. SAM: Fuck that. LAURA: We’ve done that. It sucked so much. SAM: You did that? LAURA: Well, by mistake. MARISHA: We played D&D and we moved crates foreight hours. (laughter) TRAVIS: We did, yeah. MATT: Welcome to level two. SAM: We said no to that job, thank you. TRAVIS: We get bored pretty easily. MARISHA: We did, however, then gamble with theother workers and then Jester– yeah. Jester– LAURA: Well, I lost it, but he made so much.TRAVIS: Maybe not out loud say that. Just athought. MARISHA: Oh, that’s right. We probably shouldn’t.We didn’t make any money. LAURA: Do you guys want company? Do you want us tocome and hang out with you today? SAM: I don’t know about that. That sounds risky, Idon’t know. LIAM: Do you know something? I, shockingly, thinkthat’s not a bad idea. SAM: To have these weirdos with us? LAURA: I can hear you. LIAM: Yesterday was a very bad day. SAM: Yes. Well, I suppose if we surroundedourselves with weirdos, then maybe it would take some of heat off of me. LIAM: Well, yes. Bottom line: can you hang withthe goblin? LAURA: Bottom line– and I touch Nott’s shoulder,and I cast Blessing of the Trickster. SAM: Oh, Jesus, she’s going to kill me right now.(laughter) SAM: Any magic kills a goblin instantly. Yeah,instantly. (laughter) LAURA: That would be the worst character choiceever. (laughter) LIAM: We will mourn her. Tschuss. MATT: Okay, so there’s a slight sense of warmththat emanates from under her hand, and for a moment, you look over and glance instinctively,ready to almost draw your sword again. But it seems to quicken your reflexes. You have thissurge of adrenaline that doesn’t quite fade. LAURA: You have advantage on all your stealthchecks. MATT: For the next hour. SAM: Thank you. That’s very nice. TRAVIS: I don’t have a problem with goblins, butyou guys aren’t in any trouble, are you? No one’s after you? LAURA: Because she is all kinds of trouble.SAM: No one is after me! TRAVIS: Can I make an insight check? MATT: You may. (laughter) TRAVIS: 13. MATT: 13. If you want to go ahead and try andlie. SAM: That’s a 14, except negative three toperformance. TALIESIN: I’ve been waiting for this for so long. SAM: So 11. MATT: So, are you lying? SAM: I am lying. I am definitely on the run fromsomeone. TRAVIS: Good to know. MARISHA: So. Mask. I’m just fascinated by themask. Looks well-made. Did you make it? SAM: That’s a good fucking question. Did I makeit? (laughter) SAM: I don’t make things. MATT: No, I presume– and we discussed this alittle bit– we presume it may have been scavenged from a porcelain doll. SAM: Oh, that’s cool. Cool and gross, cool andgross. LAURA: What’s her name? The creepy doll? TRAVIS: Annabelle. (laughter) LAURA: No, don’t say that. I don’t want to see artwith you with Annabelle’s face. SAM: Too late. MATT: The internet’s running with that now. SAM: Check your Twitter. TRAVIS: It seems we have all day.What were yourplans? LIAM: Not much. We were going to sample thedifferent Trosts, and I wanted to maybe do some book browsing. Nothing major. LAURA: What’s a Trost? MARISHA: Brewery tour! SAM: It’s ale. LAURA: We just can’t go by the Baumbauch ale. SAM: What happened with the Baumbauchs? LIAM: There are two others to choose from, here. MARISHA: They’re who we loaded crates for, andthen we kind of swindled their employee. TRAVIS: Didn’t leave on the best of terms. LIAM: DM, which one is the one that everybodyknows has got the blessing of Fryda Langer? MATT: No, that is actually the Baumbauch. LIAM: Shit. MATT: Yeah, the Starosta is kind of tied with theBaumbauch family. TALIESIN: We’re imaginary beer snobs now. LAURA: Is that the one you need? LIAM: No, I’m just saying the one that youswindled, it’s got the blessing of the big cheese here.LAURA: Oh. Well. Why do you need it? LIAM: We don’t need it. It’s just pleasurable tohave a Trost, is what they say. She kind of needs it. SAM: I need it a little bit. LAURA: You need a beer? SAM: Well, I prefer the harder stuff, but I’lltake what I can get at this point. Yeah, I’m sticking with this fucking accent for the next twoyears. (laughter) TRAVIS: Laryngitis every Friday. (laughter) MARISHA: So beer tour, then circus? LAURA: I’ve got to say, I miss those two people weran into at the carnival. TRAVIS: I might just wait for the carnival,actually. MARISHA: Well, if we just montage through a beertour, we’ll quickly get to the circus. To the carnival! MATT: You can totally do that. LIAM: Can we just bring my book-browsing down to asingle roll to see if anything of use– MATT: Yeah, we can do that. We’ll say, if you guysdecide to go ahead and travel, the five of you, you make your way through the town for the day,you coast around the Husseldorf family brewery, you meet Voss and June, who are the two very niceladies who run the facility.The Husseldorf family. You avoid the Baumbauch, but can acquireBaumbauch ale from other taverns in the town, of course. And the von Brandt family brewery. All of them, assoon as you say ‘Trost’, they correct you and say the family name. They’re very intent on gettingrid of the name ‘Trost’ as an overall, discussion of Trost-brand brews, and trying to make it theirfamily name. There’s an offense, to the point where you’re like, “Oh, Jesus. I didn’t realize.” TALIESIN: Like Kleenex and tissue paper? Allright. MATT: But you manage to get nice and saucedthroughout the day. LIAM: I take it easy. I have one more in the firsthalf of the day, and one in the second half.MATT: Okay. LAURA: I don’t have very much either. MATT: Okay. SAM: I’m going to have tons. MARISHA: I get sauced. MATT: All right, well, that being the case– LIAM: –you are poisoned. MATT: No, make a constitution saving throw. SAM: Well, that was crazy. 12. MATT: 12, okay. You get a little woozy for awhile, and as the sun begins to crawl towards the distant horizon, you do not manage to allow yourmeal to usurp your control. LAURA: Aw, it’s like Ren Faire. MATT: Yeah. Don’t remind me. MARISHA: Good times, good times. MATT: So as the day comes to a close, you’refairly tipsy, you’re not fully intoxicated. For your trip, you wanted to head to the HillsbrookParchment and Binding. LIAM: Is that where I went the last time? Exceptnot as myself. So I’ll go as myself.MATT: Okay. Go ahead and make an investigationcheck. LIAM: All right. Don’t fuck me, Vax. That is– LAURA: That’s Vax. That’s Vax’s dice. LIAM: Yeah, the thing about even a light Germanaccent is that when you say “Vex” and “Vax”, it’s the same shit. (laughter) LIAM: That is a 12. MATT: 12. You take the better part of 30 minutesor so, and you find there’s a lot of books on farming techniques. There’s a lot of books abouthow to grow, care for different types of vegetation, plants, various beasts of burden. Youfind books on the different seasons and what’s best for different types of grain and wheats. Youmanage to pull through and find a couple of books that deal with discussion of the Menagerie Coastthat talk about what’s called the Clovis Concord. It’s more of a discussion of the politicalstructure that maintains all the city-states there. LIAM: And the person who ran this place was anolder man, right? Just sipping tea.MATT: Yeah, Sheenah, yeah. LIAM: I’m sorry. You have a nice selection here.Do you mind if I ask– I haven’t seen any other booksellers of any kind in town. I’m not reallylooking for anything on farming, so much. Is there anywhere else I could look into? MATT: “If you’re looking for some sort of alibrary, your best bet is to go to Zadash up north.” LIAM: Zadash. MATT: “That’s where the Library of the Cobalt Soulresides. They have all the information you could “hope for. A bit pricey to peruse their interior,unless you have proper coverage, but unfortunately “if what we have isn’t what you’re looking for, Ican’t help you.” LIAM: No, it’s a fine selection. Sorry. How muchfor this book on hoe technique? MATT: “Oh! Jamieson’s Hoedown, yes, quite.Thatwill be two silver pieces.” LIAM: Oh. I’m very embarrassed, I’m sorry, I gaveaway my last two silver pieces. LAURA: No, I gave it back to you, remember? LIAM: I gave away my last two silver pieces, so.Maybe I can earn it back and come back later this week. MATT: “Please do. Do you want me to hold it foryou?” LIAM: Yes. MATT: “What’s your name?” LIAM: My name is Caleb Widogast. MATT: “All right. I will keep it here under theshelf. Thank you so much.” LIAM: Okay, good day, thank you. LAURA: Is this a big shop? MATT: It’s a boutique.It’s designed almost like across. There’s two cross-sections of hallways that have books across the walls, and there’s a windowat the end of each and then a door at the far back. LAURA: While he was talking to the shopkeeper, I’mgoing to take out as many books as I can and move them around on the shelves, and then take some ofthem and turn them around to where their binding is facing the inside. MATT: Go ahead and make a sleight-of-hand check. LAURA: Natural 20! MATT: Over the period of him searching anddistracting this man, you have completely rearranged the interior of this bookstore, to thepoint where even in the far corner, you Ghostbusters stack them in the center of the room,floor-to-ceiling, with him not even noticing it.LIAM: You little fucking poltergeist. MATT: You feel confident and happy and a sensationof approval washes over you. All right, so. LAURA: I skip out the door. MATT: Okay. You turn around from having thisconversation and notice the interior is not as you last saw it, and a bit of nerves begin to brew upunder you. LIAM: Frumpkin, come on. MATT: (meows) Frumpkin follows behind. LIAM: Oh yes! Matt’s got to make cat sounds now! MATT: I didn’t even think about that until now.God damn it. All right, so as you guys have gathered at this point, the oranges and the pinksof dusk begin to peek through the quite-cloudy sky, the chilled air of the coming night skysignalling the Crown’s Guard to begin lighting the hanging lanterns that line the streets ofTrostenwald.A renewed energy takes the streets as the sound of a fiddle seems to creep through thenight air. SAM: My god, Ashley’s a master fiddler, isn’tshe? ASHLEY: Beedle-deedle. (laughter) TRAVIS: I love how your fiddle noises were”beedle-deedle”. ASHLEY: That’s the sound for all instruments,right? SAM: Drums. LIAM: By the way, DM, can I ask– sometime in theentire day, when Nott was getting wasted, could I have spent an hour using Arcane Recovery to gainback that one spell slot I used this morning? MATT: Sure, yeah. I’ll allow that. All right.Folks begin to prod their heads out into the open air, curious about the source of this unusual din,and you find your vision capturing a small procession of flamboyantly dressed people paradingthrough the central road.A lanky man of some obvious elven descent leads the pack, his long,ashy-brown hair curling ever-so-slightly past his mid-back, his long coat and tails knocking aroundby his skipping step. Two halfling women in purple and green bodysuits dance from side to side,handing flowers to children and flyers to adults, as a bald man in a neck-frilled frock coat ofbright red, his face adorned in vibrant orange makeup to look like the setting sun behind him,plays the violin that you heard earlier in an upbeat, jovial manner. A tall half-orc masculineman with a well-groomed handlebar mustache that curves out to the side, billowing white silk shirtand black trousers, follows behind with a big drum slung over his shoulder, going (drumming) along with thefiddle. The tiefling man of lavender skin that you saw earlier walks along with a grin, juggling twocurved scimitars as he walks in place, almost loses one and catches it, continues to go.Families are beginning to gather out to see this display. The two dancers part, and then a woman ofshort, fiery red hair and dark skin walking between them, lifting a small candle before–fwoosh! A giant burst, a gout of flame emerges from the front of her mouth, brightens thevicinity, and everyone collectively gasps and begins cheering and clapping as they continue thewalk.There, to the back of it, you see the rather burly-looking pale woman, arms crossed, justfollowing behind and keeping an eye like a security guard to ensure that no business gets outof hand. The gasps and the cheers begin to follow, and as the procession continues down its way, thefamilies and civilians begin to gather and follow behind. As the last bit of the sun sets behind themountain range, the torches glowing, the procession curves through the center of the LochWard to the edge of the Ustaloch itself. Through the fishing village, more folks begin to gather.Do you all follow? ALL: Yeah. LAURA: And I cast Blessing of the Trickster on youagain, just in case. SAM: Thank you. MATT: People following the parade, you see faces,eager for this fresh form of entertainment. Children laugh and chatter excitedly, while theCrown’s Guard in their familiar bronze and vermilion uniform try to maintain order betweenthemselves being quite curious or visibly mistrusting of these hooligans that suddenly haveusurped the evening air.The procession continues towards the eastern side, out along the southernedge of this Loch Ward, to the Ustaloch’s southern place, towards the new, completelyconstructed, large, dark blue tent. Lengthy streamers of white and silver flap with the coldwinds from the top of the structure. As you guys walk, you watch as the horned tiefling you hadapproached earlier slowly saunters up to your side, you recognizing these individuals you hadspoken with earlier. MARISHA: I go, Molly! Molly, hey! TALIESIN: Oh, it’s my favorites. Hello. LAURA: We came! TALIESIN: I’m so glad you all came to see theshow. It’s going to be great tonight. ASHLEY: (deadpan) It’s going to blow you away. (laughter) SAM: The hype continues. ASHLEY: You’re going to love it. TALIESIN: First show of a round’s always the best.Without fail. MARISHA: Where are the best seats? TALIESIN: Well, I’m always partial to the front.Then you’re right in it, if something goes wrong, it’s nothing between you and whatever terrible,bloody mess is going to happen.It’s just the best. MARISHA: What? TALIESIN: Nothing, nothing, you’re fine. ASHLEY: It’s going to be great, but before you goin, I do have to give you guys a pat-down, ’cause you can’t go in with any weapons. MATT: At this point, a voice rings out behind you,you see as the carnival master Gustav glances over your shoulder and goes, “You two, skip ahead,quick. We need to go ahead and set up.Looks like “we’re already having quite a few people excited tocome here, so at the door, interior to set up. “Meet us at the front. Actually, you know what?You’ll be on card duty. We need a little extra “change on the side.” TALIESIN: Card duty it is. MATT: “All right. Folks, excited for yourpatronage.” As he spins around and addresses the whole crowd now and says, “Enjoy the night air.Walk slowly. We need just a moment to set up.” And the half-elf man bows and tips his large– itlooks almost like a top hat that gets floppy towards the top and flops forward, and he puts itback on top and begins sauntering, continuing the music, but picking up their pace to get ahead ofthe crowd as they draw you all slowly towards the exterior tent.And that’s where we’re going to goahead and take our break. (yelling) TRAVIS: Face is on fire. LAURA: Am I the only one going, do we really haveto give up our weapons? I don’t feel okay with this. SAM: Ashley, I’ll do whatever you want, but if youtake my weapons I might kill you. ASHLEY: I’d like to see you try. (yelling) MATT: All right, so. We’ll be back here in a fewminutes. We’re going to take a quick break. We have our weekly giveaway from our friends atWyrmwood. We have a white oak complete dice tower system that’s a three-piece set. That’s going tobe given away to one of you there in the chat. The password, if I recall, is ‘beginnings’. Yeah. Thisone. If you’re in the Twitch chat, if you want to be part of this, when you’re prompted there, goahead and enter the word ‘beginnings’ once.If you enter it more than once, you’ll get disqualified,so be careful with that. Otherwise, it gets this spamming spree of chaos. So the word is’beginnings’. When prompted, go ahead and enter that, and we’ll come back from the break with thewinner of that. Regardless, guys, welcome to the beginning of the new campaign. (yelling) MATT: We’ll see you here in a few minutes. LIAM: Magic! LAURA: Magic! [break] MATT: Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen. Guys!Wow! LIAM: Grenade lobbed in by Foster at the lastsecond.MATT: I know. Welcome back. So, first andforemost, we have our winner of the white oak complete dice tower from our friends at Wyrmwood.The winner is GTDevoto. Congratulations. Denova will reach out to you and get your contactinformation. Everyone else, thank you for entering. We’ll have more with each future episodeof Critical Role, thanks to our friends at Wyrmwood Gaming. Also, as a heads-up for those whoaren’t familiar and for those who may be, we have a Tuesday aftershow of this called Talks Machinawhere our friend W. Brian Foster Esq., just mixing up all of his names– you guys know him, Brian W.Foster, friend of the show, is the host of the show, and he’ll be there Tuesday talking aboutthis episode tonight with some of the cast. 7PM Pacific time on Tuesday. So. Anyway. (laughter) MATT: Bringing us back. TRAVIS: Bring that ass back. SAM: Five dragons swoop down. (laughter) MATT: It’s so hackneyed. As you guys begin toapproach the outside of this large, dark navy tent, people are being inspected and usheredthrough by the well-groomed half-orc on one side, and the pale woman, Yasha, you met for a secondtime approaching the outskirts of this carnival, with entry fees being collected by both as peoplebegin to pass into this large structure.A few feet off to the side, you see a small crowdgathered around Mollymauk, who is sitting atop a small blanket and has cards splayed before him, asimilar set that you saw Jester toying with earlier, and a farmer sits across from him,listening intently. “All right, so what can you “tell me about this here cough?” TALIESIN: How long have you had it? MATT: “Oh, going on like three, four months.”(coughs) TALIESIN: It looks like it’s getting better. Ohyes. Does it feel like it’s getting better? MATT: “Oh, right now? Yeah.” TALIESIN: Yeah, look at that. I would maybebreathe a tincture or something. Let’s– yeah, maybe you should get that looked at.MATT: “From who? What do the cards tell me?” TALIESIN: Some sort of physician, perhaps. MATT: “Right! Of course! Oh, thank you so much.”And he places a– TALIESIN: Platinum Dragon be with you. Thank you. MATT: Stands up. “Dear, a physician!” And he walksoff. (laughter) MARISHA: What happened to ‘no sick people’? TALIESIN: This is outside the tent. MATT: Yeah, he doesn’t enter the tent. He goes offto the side. MARISHA: Fair. TALIESIN: It’s good to see you all here, though. LAURA: Here’s the thing. Some of us have weaponsthat we don’t want to pass away to other people, so how much of a chance is it that we could getthrough without having to do that, you know? ASHLEY: Well, you can’t see the show if you have aweapon on you.LAURA: Right. And we really want to see the show.But, you know, we are really good at security, like all of us are really strong, and we couldfight things that came up, too, so maybe it would be best if you don’t take our weapons, and then wecould help. MARISHA: Actually, here’s a deal. We’ll make you agood deal. You waive our entry fee and if anyone needs to be kicked out, or any security needs tohappen, we’ll help you out. SAM: Like deputy bouncers? MARISHA: Like deputy bouncers. ASHLEY: Well, see, funny thing about that, though,is that’s my job. So. LAURA: So do you want to hire us? ASHLEY: No. MARISHA: You would be like our boss. Have you everwanted to be a boss? Like, in charge? ASHLEY: Well, I am. LAURA: We could ask you for days off sometimes. MATT: A heavy greenish-grey-skinned mitt slapsonto Beau’s shoulder, as you glance over to see the large, well-groomed half-orc man standingthere. “I’m terribly sorry, but we’ve got it taken “care of. If you wish to pay entry, you can, butthe rules are the rules.So sorry.” LIAM: Do they get stored in some sort of locker orsomething? ASHLEY: I hold them. And if you want, I can standright next to you guys. You can keep your eye on me the whole time. TALIESIN: She’s very trustworthy. LIAM: That seems fair-ish to me. MATT: “Yasha, does that seem– all right.” MARISHA: I look at him as I take his hand off.What’s your name, by the by? MATT: “Bo.” MARISHA: Good name. MATT: “Thank you.” LIAM: Well, that’s funny, because your name isalso Beau. MATT: “Really?” MARISHA: You didn’t have to– maybe let me choosewhen to tell people– MATT: “No, no, I’m curious about this. How do youspell your name?” MARISHA: Well, it’s short for Beauregard.MATT: “Oh, mine’s just B-O.” MARISHA: That’s unfortunate. I mean, it’s great.Did kids make fun– never mind. MATT: “It’s not inaccurate.” And he flicks theside of his mustache. (laughter) LAURA: Like, is his mustache especially B.O.-y?Like, what? That’s really gross. MATT: Make a perception check. LAURA: Ew. I don’t want to perceive this. I’m gladI didn’t roll very well. MARISHA: Can I make an insight check? Is he acreep or is he just– MATT: Make an insight check. Eight? Thankfully,you’re not in proximity enough to catch a whiff of his mustache. MARISHA: Natural 20. MATT: Okay. Interestingly enough, he seems verywell put-together. And he seems like he’s just fucking with you. He’s having fun, and he’smessing with you, and he’s just casual and competent and actually pretty well-groomed. Hedoesn’t smell. And he seems more just enjoying the discourse. MARISHA: It’s funny, see, my name’s Beau becausemy parents wanted a son. MATT: “Well. If it helps with any other confusion,call me the Breaker. Well, if you see the rest of “the show, perhaps you’ll see why I got my name.” LAURA: Are you in the show, too? MATT: And he cracks his arms.”I am. Towards theend.” TRAVIS: Now I want to see the show. MATT: “Well then. May I?” You can see now thecrowd’s starting to queue up behind you pretty heavily. “Besides, if you’re going to enter, we’vegot to get through the rest of this riff-raff. Do “you wish to join in?” LIAM: I pull– all I have is a dagger, but I justhand it to Yasha. LAURA: Just one dagger? ASHLEY: I promise you I will give it back. LIAM: Yes, here you go. ASHLEY: I promise you I will give you all of yourweapons back. LAURA: Pinky-swear me, Yasha. ASHLEY: Ugh. I don’t like– LAURA: Yeah! Now we’re best friends. Here’s mysickle.MARISHA: I have a staff, but I also use it as awalking stick, so I like to keep it on me. TALIESIN: Can you not walk around without it orsomething? LAURA: She has a really bad limp. MARISHA: Sometimes I get a little twinge, a littledisc issue. TALIESIN: Can you hand me your staff so I canwatch this? I want to see this limp of yours. Purely for my own entertainment. MARISHA: Are you patronizing me, Mollymauk? TALIESIN: No, I’m hoping that you’re going topatronize us. (laughter) MARISHA: Can I keep my stick? (laughter) ASHLEY: How about this? I’ll take it, and I canjust carry you to your seat. MARISHA: Deal. LAURA: How are you carrying all of these weapons? ASHLEY: Because I’m really fucking strong.(laughter) ASHLEY: You. Can I give him a pat-down, becauseyou’re– MATT: Sure, roll an investigation check. I’ll giveyou advantage because you’re really good at this. LIAM: I open up the coat just so she can see thebooks. ASHLEY: I don’t think I find anything. 12. MATT: You find two books and a modicum of changeand nothing else on him. He’s actually pretty sparse as far as collectibles and keepsakes. ASHLEY: I just thought your chest looked rathersquare, so I wanted to see what was happening. LIAM: I’m practically concave. Is it concave orconvex, I forget? ALL: Concave. MARISHA: Convex would be funny. (laughter) SAM: I’ll hand her my shortsword, but not mylittle crossbow. MATT: Okay, make a sleight-of-hand check to tryand hide that. SAM: Four. Oh, wait. 12. MATT: You have advantage on that, technically,right? Dexterity checks? SAM: Well, did you give me dexterity or juststealth? How does that work? LAURA: I think it’s just stealth checks with theblessing.MATT: Let me double-check that real fast. ALL: Going to the book. MATT: What the heck! SAM: We’re playing First Edition, right? MATT: No, it is stealth. You’re correct. Yeah. LAURA: Sorry, I wish I wouldn’t have said it andthen you could have had advantage just then, but I’m not a cheater. SAM: No, you’re not. LIAM: Out of game. MATT: You see him slowly pocketing this crossbow. ASHLEY: No, no, no. Little girl. SAM: I’m just a little girl. ASHLEY: Give me your other weapon. SAM: This is a toy for little children. All right,here. I’m sorry. LAURA: Are you keeping track of what goes withwhat person? Because it’s a lot. TALIESIN: She’s very good at this. ASHLEY: I’m very good. LIAM: I just drag Nott five feet over. That is twostrikes against you. I think we should really just sort of enjoy the show tonight. SAM: All right. But what if someone attacks us? LIAM: Well, I’ll handle that for you, okay? SAM: All right.MARISHA: Also, little girls don’t tend to tellpeople they’re little girls. SAM: This is my first time. (laughter) LIAM: When someone is a goblin in the middle of atown where people hate goblins– LAURA: Stop saying the word ‘goblin’. People aregoing to hear you. SAM: I mean, she’s kind of right. (laughter) LIAM: Technically, I dragged her away, but youknow, D&D is funny with what is known and not. TALIESIN: I heard you over the earring.ALL: Aww. LIAM: RIP. ASHLEY: Wait, I didn’t get your weapon. TRAVIS: Hah. ASHLEY: Do you want to stare at me all day, or doyou want to give me the weapon so you can go watch the show? TRAVIS: That’s an interesting choice. ASHLEY: It’s not really a choice. TRAVIS: Sure. MATT: What do you pull out? TRAVIS: My falchion. SAM: Your what? MATT: A falchion, a large, curved sword, emergesfrom a sheath on his back. SAM: What is that? ALL: It’s a large, curved sword. (laughter) ASHLEY: I twist it around a little. Play with it.This is nice. TALIESIN: Very nice. ASHLEY: I like it. SAM: It’s a falchion! LAURA: You’re going to hang out with us the wholenight? ASHLEY: I’ll hang out beside you so you canwatch. MATT: Make a perception check. TRAVIS: 11. MATT: 11, that’s enough. As she spins the falchionaround, you notice that, affixed to her back, in uncharacteristically clean leather towards therest of her outfit, what appears to be a slung-over sheath and a very large bladed weapon,larger than your falchion, affixed to her back.MARISHA: I just like how everyone says’falchion’. LIAM: It’s pronounced ‘felching’. (laughter) TALIESIN: I’m going to pick up my cards in a veryspecific order very quickly and start stacking the deck. ASHLEY: All right, well. If you want to follow me,I’ll take you to your seats and I’ll stand beside you the whole time. TRAVIS: Fucking lead the way. TALIESIN: Hey, Jester. Before you go. Tiefling totiefling, and thank you for keeping this rabble in check.LAURA: Of course, you know, they’re a lot tohandle. TALIESIN: One on the house. And I pull two cards. LAURA: Yes? What are you telling me? TALIESIN: I pull the Moon and I pull the Shadow.Does this mean anything to you? LAURA: Oh, yes. TALIESIN: Well, think about it. Put it away. ASHLEY: Beau. MATT: Both her and the half-orc turn to you. ASHLEY: Little one. I just go over and Ifireman-style over my shoulder. Since you can’t walk. MARISHA: Oh. (laughter) MATT: Just carries her right in. Perfect. MARISHA: I turn back to the rest of them. TALIESIN: Such grace! Such form! Such dignity! TRAVIS: The birds are out already. MATT: At which point, the other Bo, Bo theBreaker, goes ahead and collects five copper from each of you as you pass through, so mark off fivecopper, except for the two of you, you guys are part of it. LAURA: If I skip around, will I be part of theshow and then I don’t have to pay? TALIESIN: Weirdly, being part of the show meansyou strangely pay more. I’m not entirely sure how that works.LIAM: Nott, do you have five copper? SAM: For you, Caleb, I do. LIAM: No, I’m not asking. I was going to help you,but if you have it, you’re good. SAM: No, you’ve been spotting me all day, I’lltake care of both of us. ASHLEY: Mollymauk. That Jester’s adorable. TALIESIN: I know. Highly entertained. ASHLEY: I like her. TALIESIN: I do too. MATT: So, stepping into the interior of the tent,the rocky floor filled with grass and dirt and various flattened groundscape on the outskirts ofthe Ustaloch, you can see a thick, heavy tarp-like material hitting the very edge where theheavy dark blue cloth hangs from the sides of the tent you’re within.You can see where the seating isguided across the floor, and there, already in a very packed room, you see a few dozen townsfolkthat have begun to gather in a semicircle. There is the entrance flap of the tent where you guysare walking in. As soon as you walk in, you can see a central pillar, a heavy column of wood, atree that has been completely rounded off on all sides, held aloft to carry the top of the canopyof the tent itself. And across the way, you can see a larger flap tent that is currently closedthat appears to be probably the performers’ entrance. You can see above you four hanginglanterns that glow with what seems like a flicker of light, but the pattern to them is consistent,meaning it’s not probably natural flame. Children and people are beginning to mash around the sides,and the space along the edges of the interior of this tent is starting to get a little cramped.Where do you guide them, Yasha? ASHLEY: Did you guys want to sit in the frontrow? SAM: That’s what we were told is the best seat inthe house.ASHLEY: We want to sit in the front row. MATT: So there’s– if you consider a semicirclepattern here, there’s– if you’re entering, you can go front to the right, front to the left,front to the center, anywhere in between. Where would you like to be currently sitting? ASHLEY: Front and center? Or do you want to be onthe sides? LAURA: Front and center! ASHLEY: I take them to the front and center. MATT: Front and center, okay. LIAM: I’m going to keep my hand on my meager pursefor the evening. MATT: Okay.LAURA: As soon as I sit down, I’m going to pullout my sketchbook and draw the moon and the shadow card that Molly showed me. MARISHA: As we’re walking over, I say, hey, Yasha,’cause I was totally on your shoulder, heard you talking about my friend, Jester. ASHLEY: Ah, shit. MARISHA: Yeah. ASHLEY: I didn’t mean anything by it. I just– MARISHA: No, dude. No, she’s never mentioned asignificant other, so, I mean. ASHLEY: Oh, I’m not looking for anything, Ijust– MARISHA: Will you hold me through the show? (laughter) MARISHA: Like, cradle me? ASHLEY: That’s an extra charge. We do do that,though. MARISHA: How much? ASHLEY: Well, it’s an extra five gold pieces. MARISHA: Five gold? ASHLEY: These arms are worth a lot. TALIESIN: It’s a very swaddling hug. You’ve neverexperienced anything like it. ASHLEY: It’s the best way to see the show, ifthat’s how you want it.MARISHA: I’ll give you five silver just to haveyour shrug to sit on so my butt’s not on the floor. ASHLEY: I don’t take off my shrug. MARISHA: Oh, sorry. ASHLEY: How about you just keep your money andI’ll put you in a chair and I’ll just watch over your weapons. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: So she places you on the ground, as thereare no chairs. ASHLEY: On the ground, I mean, because there’s nochairs. LAURA: Oh, there’s no chairs? Aw. I was picturingbenches. That’s okay. TRAVIS: There’s no benches? Oh, fuck. MATT: Where are they going to transport benchesfrom place to place? ASHLEY: That’s a good point. TRAVIS: Carnival? I don’t know. (laughter) MATT: Well, sorry, you have Fletching and Moondropto deal with. TALIESIN: Bring a cushion from home like a regularperson. MATT: So, as the music has died down and everyonebegins to crowd in and whisper to themselves, eventually it begins to quiet a bit, everyonehaving their seats. The familiar sound of the fiddle begins to play, and everyone quickly getsquiet, down to a hush.The music seems sourceless in the interior of the tent. Everyone begins tolook around to see where it may come from. You hear points of hushed “look”s, pointing off indifferent areas, and at the top of the tent, you see, seeming to stretch and fall, like a slow dropof water, the man in red you saw earlier descends from the top of the tent, but now dressedhead-to-toe in a matching deep blue outfit and full makeup, to where he appears out of the canopyof the tent.He hangs from a rope by one foot, it’s wrapped around and clutched as his footcatches the edge. Playing his violin ever-so-slowly as he carefully descends, and thenat the last moment releases the rope and lands on his feet, continuing the music he’s playing. Heslowly spins as the longer-haired elf leader of the earlier parade that you saw, the one that hadmarked back briefly to your two new friends over here, enters the tent from the distant flaps, theperformers’ entrance, his head now sporting that same tall hat, flopping backwards at the apex. Heextends his arms, removing the hat, and takes a deep bow as the crowd begins to clap. (applause) MATT: “Ladies and gentlemen of Trostenwald, I amCarnival Master Gustav Fletching, and allow me to “welcome you to the Fletching and Moondrop’sTraveling Carnival of Curiosities.” (applause) MATT: “I ask you, each and every one of you–” Youhear some children giggle as he makes eye contact.”–grant us your imaginations this eve but atrifle bit of time, and allow us to reveal a realm “of laughter, mystery, danger, and beauty. I seeyou’ve already met Desmond.” And he gestures towards the man in all blue who’s playing thefiddle. “He’ll be part of our story tonight, so “keep a wily eye for the shifting fool. But first,I tell you a tale of two sisters of the Fey.” And as Desmond slowly leaves the tent, you see twoarmored guards by where he is now have entered, two of the Crown’s Guard are stepping by theentrance where he walked in, watch him pass. “Lost “without form into the mazes of the underworld.There, where the body would break, they found a “teacher in a mystical serpent, and the gift theyreceived was the ability to bend with this maze “that captured them and slither their way back tothe surface to reclaim their place in the world.”May I present to you Mona and Yuli, the KnotSisters.” As he slowly backs through the performers’ entrance, the two halfling dancers yousaw earlier, in the full bodysuits, emerge from behind the Carnival Master as he discreetly exits.They sport serpentine makeup, scales affixed to the sides of their face and arms. Approaching thecentral spire, the pole that holds the tent up, one immediately leaps onto the shoulders of theother, bending her back a near-impossible amount, creating this humanoid sculpture that you see thefront row cringe at the idea of the pain that would cause an average individual. But thesehalflings are very nimble and able to create almost a single form out of two bodies. Theirrigid form becomes fluid to the eye as they move and shift to the music, the violin now sourcelessonce again, not seeing where this Desmond is placed, but they seem to move as it picks upspeed.LAURA: (whispers) It’s like the serpent we fought,you guys! SAM: I was expecting more Ringling Brothers,actually. (laughter) MATT: Suddenly, the top one folds over and slamsinto the ground, tumbling across the center in a wild display of physical control. The two of thembegin to tangle and wrap like two battling snakes, their bodies seemingly disconnecting from therigid halfling forms you had seen, and you swear, for a moment, becoming serpentine-like as theyintertwine around the base of this pole. It’s beautiful and violent at the same time.It’soff-putting. And watch as they curl around the base of this pole, the lights above begin tobecome a dull greenish-blue, and get darker and darker, presenting this imagery of the underworld.One by one, they silently tell a tale of struggle, crawling across one, then the other, one at atime, using their serpentine-like forms as an extending ladder, folding over each other as theyuse every muscle in their body to cling around this pole and ladder-step up like a snake. It’s avery strange but alluring sight, and you can’t help but notice that you forget that these are twohalfling girls, and you find yourself pulled into this wordless story they tell of climbing back totheir place, to the surface, towards the dark sky of lightless blue cloth.As the baubles thatcontain the interior light of the tent begin to glow brighter and brighter, their climbing becomesmore fevered. The two of them, arm into arm, leg into leg, rolling up and swirling, untileventually at the apex they grab each other’s arms around the pole before spinning downward,back-to-back, legs outward, with a rapid pace, the music coming to a full crescendo. Like a Maypole,they both curl and twirl and then tumble to the ground before the audience with a flourish, armsin the air, and the audience erupts in applause. (applause) MATT: As they both begin to back away, smiles ontheir faces, nodding to each other, Gustav emerges once more from the performers’ flap. The foolappears at the back entrance again, taking an ominous tune with his violin this time, his outfitno longer blue but deepset black. The hanging lights darken once again as Gustav takes thecenter stage. “In a flash, beyond the ash, the “gods all went and gone. The darkness came tograsp, reclaim, and suffocate the dawn.” Suddenly, out of the darkness behind him, a burst of flamelights the room.”But from that night, a burning “light doth keep back shadows’ bane. The strengthto fight will set alight the morning sun again. “Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Ornna thefire fairy.” And Gustav leaves the tent once more. As you watch, a pair of metallic fans, alight withflame, now frame the beautiful woman of short red hair you had seen before in the procession. Gustavslinks into the darkness and vanishes as Ornna spins in hypnotic twirl, her simple dress of goldsand reds almost glowing in the firelight around her, the flickering of the flames giving her thevisage of a warrior-goddess battling the dark that surrounds.The frenzied fiddle of the fool picksup as she twirls the fans in her grasp, her face stoic and graceful simultaneously. The hushed aweof the audience fills the air, watching this magnificent warrior strike at the shadows, thelights above flickering brighter with each spin and dive, banishing the shadows from the room. Shematches the pace of the music, drawing to a crescendo, and leaps, and barrel-turns andclimaxes with her striking a powerful pose as the lights rocket to a victorious luminescence. Onceagain, the crowd goes crazy. (applause) LAURA: This is really different than mostcarnivals that I’ve gone to. SAM: It’s very artistic, yeah. MATT: Gustav enters as she exits with a bow, thefans flickering out. He enters clapping at Ornna. A low drumbeat begins to beat in the distance as thefiddle grows tense once more. “Even as the sun “would rise anew, bellowing roars will quake thelands of Xhorhas and beyond. Terrible beasts, now “freed from their dark masters, scattered into ourworld.” (roars) A terrible, guttural roar shakes the room, followed by the sounds of grinding anddragged chains.From behind the performers’ flap, the half-orc, Bo, who you’d met earlier, theBreaker, and the fool, who is now still playing the fiddle, yet the bow of it continues to go onits own as he drags the other chain with his arm, wrapped around his forearm. The two of them pullsomething through the flap. It swells, and from beneath it is revealed an enormous creature ofgreen scales, slimy-looking skin, and a corpulent form, large toad-like legs frame a rotund torso,and muscular arms that are manacled and pulling him in. It fights and wrestles against the tautchains as it’s pulled further and further towards the center of the tent, but is held in place bythe two men.It roars a second time. (roars) The front row immediately pulling back and screaming.You hear kids begin to cry. A handful of townsfolk shoot to their feet, grasping the children infear, preparing to run. LAURA: Have we ever seen anything like thisbefore? MARISHA: Yeah, what’s it look like? LAURA: Well, he just described what it lookedlike. MARISHA: By name. MATT: You have not seen this creature.Gustavcontinues, seemingly unflinched by its approach. “The devil-toad crawls hungrily–” SAM: But what does it look like? (laughter) MATT: “–into the land of the free folk, lordingover nightmares as they say, and what truth lies “behind the eyes of this beast? What would belearned when the guiding heart of innocence “pierces the hateful soul and brings it to seebeauty for the first time? I present to you the “vivid voice of Toya.” And as Gustav backs away,the devil-toad struggling against the chains, a soft, faint voice begins to slowly emanate fromthe air– (a voice appears in the background music) (exclamations) MATT: Eyes previously locked on the frighteningcreature now seek a source and find, atop a platform within the chamber, high up on a smallplatform set against the apex of the pole, a young dwarven girl, maybe 12 years of age, her braidedgolden hair clasped and her hands at her side, a white dress obscuring her feet.She sings with amystifying, mature voice that pierces your hearts with joy, unexpectedly and uncontrollably. Thecrowd audibly gasps as one, the entrancing song of this girl bringing every person into this music.The devil-toad stops struggling against the chains, seemingly caught by the sound of hervoice. Its face drops into a soft smile as it slowly walks towards the base of the pole andsits. The half-orc and the fool drop the chains and back away, leaving the beast free in its rapture.Her voice almost begins to summon a chorus from the ether, magical in nature, as there are noothers but her joining into this piece. Her smile is infectious, and you can’t tear your eyes away.You only now realize the tears down your cheeks, but you cannot break your gaze. From the front rowof the audience, on the left, a man stands up, his arms outstretched towards her.His dirtied cloakfalls away, his face and skin wracked with age. You see his legs shaking as he stands, his cheekswet with tears. He shouts (exclaims). His arms drop and clutch his chest. Gurgles a burst of vocal painonce more, and folks nearest to him begin to lean away as he begins to shake. You glance over as theold man yells out once more, as the skin on his arms suddenly begins to tear, the bones splittingfrom the flesh, writhing, cracking.Dust and blood shake from his wounds as his form swells. Screamsbegin to ring out from the audience around him, people rising up and running for the exit. Chaosbreaks into the room around you. Toya’s song abruptly ends, the little girl looking down withfright in her eyes, the devil-toad glancing about worriedly, the half-orc and the fool rushing upbeside him to look at the transforming man. The half-orc yells, escorting patrons to the exit,”Everyone! Leave the tent now! Kylre–” As he points to the devil-toad. “–get her to safety.”The devil-toad glances up and leaps with a sudden gust of strength to the top and grabs the centerpole of the room as it begins to almost quiver to his weight. He grabs the little girl safely underhis arm and leaps back down. What are you all doing? LAURA: I invoke Duplicity. MATT: You watch as her form suddenly dissipatesinto multiple seemingly copies of her form as Jester. TRAVIS: Yasha? We’re going to need those weaponsback. MARISHA: I turn to Mollymauk and go, man, Ithought it was kind of lame at first, but this is awesome! TALIESIN: Everyone get out right now.MARISHA: This isn’t part of the show? TRAVIS: Not part of the show. SAM: It’s too artsy. MATT: The old man’s body stops quaking, his fleshnow grey and mangled like an ancient tree trunk. He turns, his eyes blood-red and bulging, his lipscurled into a horrifying grimace. The two Crown’s Guard begin to try and make their way through thepanicked crowd, but the people, like a wave of chaos, are keeping them at bay.I need everyone toroll initiative. (yelling) LIAM: The miniatures come out, guys! TRAVIS: First map! (yelling) MARISHA: I rolled a natural one. SAM: That bodes well. MATT: So you guys, this guy is actually over here.You guys are all up here in the front. LAURA: Oh yeah, we were right in the fucking frontrow. Look at us! We’re so cute! TALIESIN: Oh my god, it’s so pretty. SAM: We’re all going to die. LIAM: Probably. But then the third campaignbegins. LAURA: Yay. SAM: I like the tents and donkeys outside.Amazing. MARISHA: Look, Taliesin, it’s a bardo. Oh my god! TALIESIN: No, go for it. Oh boy. MATT: All right, so. 20 to 15? LAURA: 21. MATT: All right. LAURA: Oh, wait, 22. MATT: Nice. 15 to ten? TALIESIN: Ten. SAM: Ten. TRAVIS: 12. ASHLEY: 13. LIAM: 11. MATT: So 13 and then ten and ten? Sorry, 12. SoYasha got 13, then we have Fjord. And then 11. And then we have Nott at ten. And what’d you get? MARISHA: Five. Rolled terribly. MATT: There we go. Okay, so. Top of the round, asthis creature turns and glares about in the area, this swollen form over here to the side, that’swhat remains of the old man who had stood up in the center of the chamber.Jester, you’re upfirst. LAURA: Okay. Well, I’m just going to go for it,all right? I’m going to cast Guiding Bolt on the monster that just appeared. MATT: Okay, as it turns towards you. It’s a savingthrow, correct? LAURA: Let’s find out. You make a ranged spellattack. MATT: Go ahead and roll on that. LAURA: Okay, okay. SAM: Magic, you’re using magic. LAURA: Well, it’s cocked. It was 20 and then itrolled. SAM: You said cocked. LIAM: You’re a cock. LAURA: That’s 11 plus– what do I add to my–Guiding Bolt, plus five. So 16. MATT: 16 hits. Go ahead and roll damage. LAURA: Yay. 4d6. MATT: Yasha, you’re almost on deck. LAURA: Ten, 16, 18, and then any attacks in thefuture– the next attack has advantage. MATT: How much damage was that? 2d6, 18? SAM: 4d6, you said. LAURA: Yeah, it was 4d6 radiant damage. So yeah,it was 18. And then I’m going to run the opposite direction away from him, but I’m going to keep myduplicate up there. MATT: Okay, which, for your duplicate, I shouldgo ahead and grab something.TALIESIN: Oh, you’ve got toys. LAURA: That backpack’s almost as big as my dicebag. MATT: Almost. I was like, that’s right, you can dothis, so I need to pull out– we’ll say for the purposes of this, you’re– we’ll put you– thiswill be your duplicate, wherever you want to move it from where you are, so she moves there. LAURA: So she’s going to stay here. I can’t reachthat far, but. Oh, shit, sorry. MATT: Just let me know where. There? LAURA: Sorry, I didn’t realize it was– MATT: You can get there. LAURA: Okay, sounds good. MATT: Okay, so that ends your turn. At the top ofyour turn, this creature closest to one of the people nearby screaming, this young woman who’strying to back away, it just turns toward her and grabs and tries to tear into her with two strikes.The first one, that is actually going to miss.She ducks out of the way and begins crawling acrossthe ground as it goes for a second attack. That, however, does hit, it’s a 16. That’ll do it. Sowith eight points of bludgeoning damage, it reaches down and slams its fist into her chest,and as it does, she gives out this horrible yelp as it rips into her and begins gnawing into herflesh and pulls away with a mouthful of it and stands up, its eyes scanning the room for the nextpossible victim. It’s going to begin to stalk forward, coming up to that guy. All right, Yasha,your turn. ASHLEY: Okay. How close am I to them– I want togive them their weapons. MATT: You’re right there. You’d have to– You’repretty close to everybody. You could distribute– you could use your action to toss the weapons outto everybody this turn, I’ll say. ASHLEY: Okay. I’ll pass my weapons out this turn.MATT: Okay, so you’ll spend your action throwingthem out to the individuals. So your shortsword and crossbow clatter to the ground, and youquickly scramble to grab them. Caleb’s dagger falls at his foot. Your staff gets tossed quicklyfrom behind you. Your falchion meets your arm. SAM and MARISHA: Falchion. MATT: All right. That ends Yasha’s turn. Fjord,you’re up. TRAVIS: Can I run up with the falchion withinmelee? MATT: You actually rush through Jester’s form.Youwatch the image dissipate as you charge through it and meet up, face-to-face, with this large,gnarled, horrible-looking creature. What are you doing? TRAVIS: Ripping the falchion, can I swing it intothe creature? MATT: You may. LAURA: And you get advantage. TRAVIS: I do? Thank god, because that was a one.18. MATT: 18 hits. Go ahead and roll damage. TRAVIS: Nice. SAM: It’s a real fight! MATT: Yeah. TRAVIS: 11. SAM: We’ve got like a dozen hit points, we’ll beokay. MATT: All righty. That ends your turn? All right,you’re done. That brings us to Caleb. LIAM: I would like to use my movement to push asfar into the crowd as I can. MATT: Okay, going through the crowd is– LIAM: Half-movement? That’s fine, sure. I justwant people in front of me. MATT: Push through to about there.You end uppushing a kid out of the way. LIAM: That’s great. That’s exactly fine with meand I will pull out the diamond and cast Chromatic Orb, and I will send a ball of cold at thecreature that Fee-ord– Fjord– MATT: All right, go ahead and make a spellattack. LIAM: Yes, here it comes. SAM: Watch out for Fee-ord. (laughter) LIAM: My goodness. That is a 17. MATT: 17 hits. Go ahead and roll damage. LAURA: Isn’t Chromatic Orb like a really strongspell? LIAM: No. MATT: There’s Prismatic Spray. Chromatic is thestarter version. LIAM: That is nine. ALL: Nein! MATT: (German accent) All right, very well done,Caleb. LIAM: (thicker German accent) Now is the partwhere we dance. MATT: So as you push the child out of the way,turn, putting your pocketed diamond out in front of you, you focus and you watch as this beam oflight blue energy streaks past, just barely coasting between a few heads.It slams into thiscreature, as crystals form where the wound and impact was. It cracks back into placewhere it was. End of your turn? All right. Nott, you’re up. SAM: Okay. Having seen the beautiful dwarven–girl, was it? Who sang and soothed a monster earlier in the show, I’m going to attempt to singand soothe this monster. So I step forward and I open my mouth, and I sing, (singing badly) And Iwill always soothe you! LAURA: Can I shoot an arrow at Nott? LIAM: He’s killing the memory of Scanlan.MARISHA: I know, can’t let that go. MATT: Make a performance check. SAM: Performance check. Ooh, it’s really good. 18,minus three, so that’s 15. MATT: Okay. As you’re singing out this discordantsound, folks nearby are covering their ears and glancing back and looking in surprise at thisstrange creature giving off this– SAM: Does it die? MATT: No. However, it now, after taking a few hitsnearby, its red eyes– or at least one red eye slips over to look in your direction. That’s asmuch of an effect. SAM: Fuck! (laughter) MATT: Do you want to move, or are you going tostay there? SAM: Yes, I’m going to move, and I’m going to dashbehind somebody in the crowd, some weak-looking individual. MATT: Okay. You can get behind there. Okay. Allright, that ends your turn? LIAM: That’s our M.O., baby! MATT: Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: Oh shit, okay. To RP my tragic one on thefirst fucking battle a little bit, I’ll turn to everybody and go, guys, no, it’s part of the show.Molly said that people die. She was just a claque.Okay. And then I run and I’m going to tackle thezombie guy. Can I see if I can grapple him? MATT: You can certainly, on the first attack. Gofor it. Make an athletics check. MARISHA: Just straight athletics. Oh god. Do Ikeep that? It’s not good. (laughter) MARISHA: Seven. MATT: 17. You attempt with your first strike, andthe creature just breaks away. Its strength is far more than you imagined it would be from what wasoriginally an elderly-looking frame.MARISHA: I go, oh, fuck that. I don’t know ifthat’s true, and I’m going to do a flurry of blows and do two, pop-pop. That’s unarmed, right?Pop-pop. MATT: That is correct. MARISHA: I do two, right? MATT: Yes, if you’re using your ki point to dothat, yes. MARISHA: Yes, I am. So first one, it’s plus six?Okay. First one is 19. No, 20. First one is 20 total, and then the second one is 15 total. MATT: Both hit. Roll damage for each. MARISHA: Okay. Not great. SAM: What are those dice? MARISHA: They’re d4s, they’re just fancy d4s.Yeah. That is four, eight, 11 points of damage. MATT: Between both? Great. So after the grapplefails and it pushes you away, you go ahead and pull back and then leap, kick it in the chest andthen uppercut it in the chin. MARISHA: Yeah, that’s cool. MATT: Looks back towards you. So that would beputting you up base-to-base with it there. All righty.Ending your turn? Okay, at that point, thecrowd is now screaming and begins to swell and push in this direction. These folks all begin torun back and around this way. This crowd begins to push, the guards are trying to push forward, and theycan only get a little ways forward to there and there. Everyone just shifts out this direction. LAURA: God, somebody’s going to get trampled. SAM: It’s really a hazard.They should have hadmore exits. LAURA: I mean, it’s a fire hazard, for sure. MATT: Caleb and Nott, I need you both to makedexterity saving throws. SAM: 15. LIAM: Oh, pretty good. That is 17 for me. MATT: All right. You both manage to just bob andweave through the crowd to prevent being trampled and backing away from the chaos as people arepushing through. The entrance is too small for everyone to leave, and there’s now a giantbottleneck that’s beginning to push up as people are now screaming and trying to get out. They’recrying, and the chaos is just swelling into this absolute cacophony. As soon as that finishes, thedevil-toad carrying the dwarven girl, who was given a decree, exits out back with her to get herto safety.These two begin to slowly back away, seeing that things seem to be handled? And theguards making their way in are looking scared at each other, not really knowing what to make of thecurrent chaos. At that point, you watch as the woman whose chest was torn into by this creaturesuddenly– (groaning) MATT: –snaps up into place. LAURA: Oh, shit. Okay, we have to keep them frombeing dead. MATT: Top of the round. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Oh, god. MATT: What was your initiative again? TALIESIN: Ten.MATT: Ten, oh, shit. That’s right, you’re withNott, that’s what happened. So Molly, you go ahead and go for your turn as well. My apologies. TALIESIN: I’m going to yell to the back, open thetent wide! And I’m going to pull– how far away am I? MATT: You’re right there. You’re in the middle ofthe crowd as it’s swarming around you and Yasha. TALIESIN: (sighs) I’m going to run around and seeif I can flank that creature, if I can move towards flanking that creature with the othertwo. MATT: You can’t really flank it, but you can getnext to it. TALIESIN: All right. Can I get close enough totake a shot? MATT: You can, yeah.TRAVIS: Take a shot? SAM: You have guns? TALIESIN: Well, old habit. (laughter) TALIESIN: As a bonus, I’m flipping it out, and I’mgoing to activate the first sword. MATT: Okay, so you watch as Molly pulls thescimitar out, and as he unsheathes it, draws it across the side of his exposed chest, causing alittle bit of blood to spill out, and as it does, he pulls the blade out, and you watch as the edge,suddenly, ice crystals begin to build on the outside of the blade. TALIESIN: And I’m taking a shot at the creature. SAM: Taking a shot? TALIESIN: Taking a slice. LAURA: Taking a stab. SAM: But with bullets. TALIESIN: That’s 21 to hit. MATT: That hits. TALIESIN: That’s not bad. That’s eight points ofdamage and one point of ice damage. MATT: Okay, so nine points of damage on the firststrike. TALIESIN: No, that was my bonus. MATT: That was your bonus, that’s all you’ve got.Okay. So one strike, you cut across, and you watch as you cut this wide wound open, exposing thefleshy organs’ interior, but they’re frozen where the wound cut through, and it’s still holding ittogether.It’s looking like it’s starting to hurt a bit and fall apart slightly. SAM: This is the bigger monster? MARISHA: So it’s the one I’m fighting? MATT: Yes. So that ends your turn, Molly? Bringsus to the top. So Jester, sorry, back to you. LAURA: Oh, now I’m worried. I’m worried aboutthe undead. I don’t know. Well, I don’t think I would know this, so it’s okay. I’m going to say tothe air and say, dude, are you here, because this is like the coolest shit we’ve ever seen! And then I’mgoing to cast Toll the Dead on the first zombie creature guy.And there’s a bell that tolls. MATT: Toll the Dead. MARISHA: Oh, that’s fucking rad, dude. LAURA: He has to make a wisdom saving throw ortake 1d12 necrotic damage. MATT: Natural one. Go ahead and roll a d12. LAURA: Oh, three. That’s lame. MATT: Three points of necrotic damage. So as thisdeep temple bell rings out in the air above, you watch as this creature who has turned and isbeginning to just whale upon the surrounding allies that are curling at its sides, it seems toretract from the sound and cover its ears briefly before angrily lashing out.LAURA: And I made that sound like it was comingfrom my duplicate, and my duplicate’s going to run back a little bit and stand next to the pole.Yeah. MATT: Cool. Is that your turn? All right. Thestanding creature that’s now been sliced, bludgeoned, and wounded by all three of you, isgoing to go ahead and make two strikes at– roll randomly to see who it goes for.That’s going tobe at Beauregard. It swings at you twice, both with its giant massive clawed fists, just strikingout towards you. First one is 17 to hit? MARISHA: My armor class is 17. MATT: Nine points of bludgeoning damage as thefirst one just slams you in the chest. You feel the wind knocked out of you for a brief second.The second swing’s going to come at you. That’s going to be a 20 to hit.MARISHA: Yup, yup, that hits. TRAVIS: This thing’s swinging hard. Holy shit. MATT: And that’s going to be six points ofbludgeoning damage to you. LIAM: What are you at, girl? MARISHA: Don’t worry about it. I’m bad. MATT: It slams into you once with the fist, andthe other one grabs into your stomach, abdomen region, and the claws dig in, and its jaw unhingesand drops like a snake’s. MARISHA: I turn to Fjord and I go, I’m not aclaque, this show’s bullshit. MATT: The other one is going to rush over towardsyou, Mollymauk, as you’re the closest one to it, and is going to take one swing at you. TALIESIN: Yeah, no. I’m going to use BloodMaladict. MATT: Okay, so you’re using a reaction? You don’thave to roll anything for it. He just has disadvantage on the strike. TALIESIN: Oh, that’s right, because I’m notdoubling it up. MATT: That’ll do it. He rolled a 16 and then afour. So as it swings towards you, you watch as suddenly the reddish burning eyes of the secondcreature go black, and it goes way too wide and misses you.You easily duck out of the way of itsfirst strike. As it runs past, towards you this way, you get an attack of opportunity as it leavesyour attack range to attempt to swing around Molly for a second strike. Go for it. TRAVIS: That is 16. MATT: 16 hits! Go ahead and roll damage. TRAVIS: Nice. That is 12 points of damage. MATT: With this brief opening as it rushes pastMollymauk, after its eyes go black, you watch as it stumbles, its vision ruined. With that moment,you swing out with your– falchion, thank you. Yeah, it’s falchion, that’s right– and strikeacross the back of its shoulder. You see what once was this beautiful young woman is now thisswollen, horrible undead form lumbering past, and you cut a heavy chunk of meat off of its shoulder.It curves around and makes a second strike at you, Mollymauk. This one without advantage. That’s anatural 19. Yeah, that’s a 24 to hit. All right. You take eight points of bludgeoning damage, asthe first one, you manage to move out of the way, and as you spin your scimitar around, you glanceover just in time to have it clock you right across the jaw.Your vision blurs and doubles fora second. That’s going to end their turn. Yasha, you’re up. SAM: All right, Yasha! ASHLEY: Can I get to the big beast? Beast numberone? Okay, so this is the first time I’ve done this, so hopefully I won’t do this wrong. I would like to rage. (cheering) ASHLEY: I’m going to workshop it, I’ll makesomething later. For now, it’s a placeholder. Okay, I would like to rage, and reckless attack? MATT: Yeah, you can reckless attack any of yourattacks.SAM: Is that something you can do right away? Thatsounds like a later thing. ASHLEY: Is that something you do later? Okay. Ididn’t get a practice shot at this. Okay. So I just roll. MATT: You roll at advantage. ASHLEY: I don’t know how to play D&D anymore! Ijust forgot how to do it. LAURA: Okay, but roll again, you have advantage. ASHLEY: Oh, reckless. Okay. 17? MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage. ASHLEY: I take out my beautiful greatsword. MATT: Freshly purchased. In fact, this is thefirst time it’s seen battle.ASHLEY: It is the first time it’s seen battle. SAM: Google reported a weird influx of ‘falchion’searches. (laughter) ASHLEY: 13. MATT: On the one that’s already been damaged? ASHLEY: Yeah. The first guy. MATT: Yeah, all right. ASHLEY: Get the fuck out of my tent! (laughter) MATT: Yeah, no, it does not make the save– itrolled– yeah. So as you come down with your blade and carve through its body, you watch as it curlsback, trying to reform and hold itself, but your blow was too strong, and its zombie-ish formcannot maintain a cohesive hold on its form, and you watch as it just crumbles to the ground, nolonger moving. (cheering) SAM: Yasha! ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay. MATT: Okay, that ends your turn. As you’re there,growling animalistically towards the creature. ASHLEY: Ooh, that feels fun. MATT: You have about five more feet of movement,if you wanted to move. ASHLEY: Okay, so I’m going to go a little bitcloser to– wait, how many more are left? Just the other one? Yeah, so I’ll get ready for theother one.So a little bit closer to it. MATT: All right. That ends your turn, Yasha.Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: Shit. I’ll turn and head towardsother tree-zombie fuck. I would like to use my bonus action to cast Hex on it. MATT: Okay. So you watch as Fjord lumbers towardsit, his large, armored half-orc form holding the blade in his hand. Puts his hand out, and theshadows suddenly swirl and gather around this zombified woman’s form and cling to it, like it’sholding it in place. So with it now hexed, what would you like to do? TRAVIS: I would like to use my falchion to open itthe fuck up. MATT: All right, go for it. TRAVIS: 21. MATT: That definitely hits. Go ahead and rolldamage. TRAVIS: That’s 12 points of damage, plus fivepoints of necrotic damage. MATT: 17 points of damage. LIAM: Level two, that’s major.MATT: So, as you rush up, after the shadows gatheraround it, it looks up to you, and it pulls back, ready to strike, and you just shake your head, andone large swipe of your falchion carves this giant mark across its chest. Where the cloth and fleshopens, you can see this blackened interior, where the muscles are trying to move, almost like worms,to regather and tighen. All right, that ends your turn. That brings us to Caleb. LIAM: All right, I know that it’s restrictedmovement, but I will push this way through the crowd so that I have a clearer shot, as far as Ican, and then I will re-up with Chromatic Orb. MATT: You can push right about there. You justbarely pull through the crowd to the front to get a clear– LAURA: Hi, Caleb. LIAM: I certainly don’t want to do that. I want tostay in the crowd, behind people, and I will do Chromatic Orb again, but this time, I’m going to set itto acid, so see if it hit.Oh, that’s not good, it’s 11. MATT: 11 unfortunately does not hit. So as youpull it out a second time, you’re pushing through the crowd and you pull up your diamond, and rightas you’re about to release the spell, one of the people in the crowd slams into you with hershoulder and you get jarred off to the side. The acid bolt of the Chromatic Orb flies off andactually burns a hole through the distant tent and then vanishes into the night sky. LIAM: Hope that didn’t hit anyone. MATT: All right, that ends your turn, Caleb. Nott,you’re up. SAM: Do I have eyes on the biggie? Is Fjord rightnext to her? MATT: Fjord and Mollymauk are both next to it,yes.SAM: All right. I’m going to peek out behindwhatever patron I’m next to, take out my little crossbow and just shoot a little shot. MATT: All right, go for it. TRAVIS: Is it made of piano wire? (laughter) SAM: 16. MATT: 16 hits. LAURA: I like how every time you roll it comesout. SAM: It does. This is very bouncy. Okay, so 1d6,that’s a four, plus four is eight, plus I get sneak attack damage, ’cause I’m a rogue. Anotherfour, so that’s 12. Is the creature bigger than me? I will use Fury of the Small. (cheering) SAM: To inflict another two points of damage, sothat’s 14 points of damage. MATT: Okay. As you pull around the corner andrelease your one crossbow bolt, it hits the bottom of the chin and pokes out one of the eyes.The eyegoes flying off into the distance as the bolt is now jammed outside of the socket. The creatureturns, glancing your direction. It looks pretty hurt, but it’s still standing. SAM: Can I use the rest of myaction-movement-whatever bonus to look at the patron I’m next to. Do they have any baubles orjewelry on them? TRAVIS: In this moment? MATT: I’ll say you can use your bonus action tojust look. There’s nothing you can do this turn, but next turn, you could. So make a perceptioncheck. SAM: Oh, it’s just nine. MATT: Nine? It’s hard to look. You see this whatlooks to be late-30s woman dressed in some sort of general workers’ clothing with a loose apron, andshe’s just running and scrambling to get towards the exit. You don’t see anything of worth on her,unfortunately. Sorry. All right, Nott, that ends your turn. Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: I’m still engaged with it, right? Okay,I’m going to take two swipes. MATT: Okay, so you spin around. You pull yoursecond scimitar out, as part of the strike, one of them encased in ice crystals.So the firststrike– make sure you mark which one’s which. TALIESIN: Purple’s the ice. That’s– the purple is12 to hit? MATT: 12 just barely hits. TALIESIN: Ooh. So they both hit, so that’s good.So that’s going to be– or all three, then, because the other one is 21 to hit. MATT: That hits, yeah. TALIESIN: The first one is four points of damage. MATT: Four points of damage? TALIESIN: I’m sorry, the magic one is six pointsplus three ice, so nine points. MATT: Nine points of damage, all right. TALIESIN: The other one is four points of damage. MATT: Okay. So the first strike hits, and as thescimitar carves through, the body snaps and opens, and it snaps back into place, the torso lockingback in. The second strike does how much damage? TALIESIN: Four points of damage. MATT: Yeah. The second one hits again, and youwatch as the torso spins off. It looks like only the spinal column is holding it in place, but it’smanaging to maintain its structure as it (snarls). That ends your turn. TALIESIN: Someone, anyone? Yep.MATT: All right, ending Mollymauk’s turn, thatbrings us to Beau. LAURA: Beau, you got this. MARISHA: In response to him, I say, I thought yousaid you didn’t let in the sick! TALIESIN: Just kill it! MARISHA: I come up and I want to do a flyingSuperman (impact). MATT: Wham! Go for it. MARISHA: First one. Okay. 16? MATT: That’ll hit. Damage. MARISHA: I had my staff– oh, I had my staff, butI said– LIAM: You said Superman punch, man. MARISHA: It’s fine, it’s fine. Six damage. MATT: Six points of damage. Natural 20. You watchas you sock it in the face and the jaw breaks and then snaps back into place. As you land, pullingit back, you can see some of the teeth are actually stuck in your fist as you pull back,they’ve broken off into your knuckles. MARISHA: I go, oh, come on. I’m going to use myother ki point to do flurry of blows again, and I’m going to try and punch him in the bridge withthe remainder of his teeth.MATT: Her teeth, technically, this is the womanthat was killed originally. MARISHA: Oh. I’ll be like, you were so pretty,too. MATT: Go for it. Two more strikes. MARISHA: 19 and 18. Natural. And then, okay. LAURA: That’s a really pretty dice. MARISHA: Eight, 12, 13 damage. MATT: Natural one, no. So the second punch, youswing wide and hit the side of the head, and the neck snaps, and it’s now stuck in a sideways position.As it turns, the jaw, it pulls back one of its weirdly swollen clawed hands, ready to go for thatopen wound in your gut, and as it does, how do you want to do this? (cheering) TRAVIS: First one! SAM: First blood. MARISHA: I’ll do the uppercut with the other one,and the one that has its teeth in it, I want to go right between the bridge of the nose and get theteeth right in the eyes and break the nose bridge into the brain.You know that thing? Yeah. MATT: And as you do that, you slam into its face.You watch as the skull caves in, the teeth piercing both of the red, bulging eyes. And withthis horrible sucking, sighing sound, it falls onto its back, no longer moving, the shadowsreleased. MARISHA: I grab my gash and fucked-up ribs andimmediately turn over me. Can I do a perception check or an insight check on any of theringleaders? On any of what was going on? The ringleader or the jester? MATT: That was your turn, unfortunately. That’syour turn.At this point, the current threats are down, and the crowd is screaming and rushing. Thetwo members of the Crown’s Guard are rushed to the front, weapons ready, and they see both of thesecreatures bloodied and ruined across the base of this. In the midst of the chaos, one of thempoints and goes, “You, you! Stay where you are!” And you watch as the rest of the crowd slowlypushes through, you see as Gustav manages to make his way in.”Dear god, what’shappened here?” Looks over toward Bo the Breaker, the half-orc who’s now joined the rest of you.”Sir, I don’t know how he got in here.” And everyone looks around back at you. Bo looks atyou, Gustav looks to you, Molly. “What happened?” TALIESIN: One of them turned. I don’t know whathappened. LAURA: There was a sick guy! There was an old sickguy and he turned into a zombie! And I run over and I cast Cure Wounds on Beau. MARISHA: Oh, thank you, man. I’m really down. LAURA: Are you sick too? Did you get hurt? Hold ontwo seconds. I’m going to cure her and then I’ll cure you too. TRAVIS: Yasha, have you ever seen anything likethis happen before? ASHLEY: No.Never. LAURA: Seven points, that’s all I could cure. MARISHA: That’s amazing. That’s great. TALIESIN: I’m going to drop my sword. LAURA: Oh, that’s better for you, ten for you. MATT: Okay. At this point, the two Crown’s Guardthat are there are trying desperately to maintain control. You can see they’re visibly shaken, andthey glance at each other like they’re a little out of their depths at the moment. “Stay where youare. Don’t go anywhere.” TALIESIN: Oh, wherever will I go. MATT: And he turns to the one who’s in the front,looks to the other one who just made his way through, and goes, “Sivelmen, find someone. Bringthe rest of the guard. Please!” “Right now, sir.” And he pushes his way towards the back as the restof the crowd runs out.Now everyone in the crowd has mostly pushed out of the tent, the last fewdregs pushing through. Children crying, people of Trostenwald just exiting out the flaps as theyclose, and you’re all standing there, weapons in your hands, wondering what to do. TRAVIS: What are the corpses doing now thatthey’ve fallen? MATT: They’re both unmoving, ruined, torn apart. LAURA: Can I search the corpse of the woman? MATT: You can. As you go to move to it, both ofyour forms merge. The Crown’s Guard goes like, “Don’t move.” LAURA: Which one? MATT: “Both? Uh.” He looks genuinely confused. LAURA: When I’m going “which one?” I make mysecond form just dart forward and start searching the body. MATT: Okay. It mimics searching a body. It’s notactually you. Begins rifling imaginary things out of the pockets. LAURA: Look at all the stuff that that one’sfinding over there! (laughter) LAURA: Can he turn and look and I try to searchthe other guy? MATT: Make a deception check to try and deceivehim to glance over.LAURA: Not bad. 19? MATT: (laughs) He goes, “What, over there?” Looksover as you jump over quickly and begin searching through it, and you guys watch her do this, andthere’s a clear line of sight. As soon as he turns back, he’s going to notice her rifling through theother corpse. ASHLEY: Is Gustav still in here? MATT: Gustav is now walking up, and he’s hands upin the air.”I’m terribly sorry. I– this has “never happened. I don’t know what happened. Whathappened?!” TALIESIN: We’ve never seen anything like itbefore. He just– he gripped his heart and fell over and turned into that thing. ASHLEY: It was when Toya started singing. MARISHA: Yeah, what’s with the dwarven girl?Why– TALIESIN: Nothing like this. MATT: “She’s been singing with us for over twoyears, now.” MARISHA: How’d she come to you? She’s a prettyyoung girl.MATT: “She had no family and she was singing inthe street for change. There was an opportunity. “We seized it. We gave her a family she didn’thave.” TRAVIS: Put your hands down. MATT: The Crown’s Guard goes like (grunts). “It’sfine, just don’t move.” LAURA: Did I find anything? MATT: Make an investigation check. SAM: She uses a different dice for everything,Travis? LAURA: Shut up. SAM: Is that what I’m dealing with now? TRAVIS: You’re not even ready.LAURA: 14? MATT: You manage to rifle through the old man’sbody, through the stringy bits of gore, and you do find three pieces of silver that are just coatedin blood. A few moments pass. The rest of the people are gone, and it’s just this awkward quiet,and at this point you watch as Ornna, the fire fairy who had previously performed, walks in andis like, “I’m sorry. What has happened here?” LAURA: Your little dwarf girl was singing, and sheturns people into zombies. TALIESIN: I feel that that was entirelycoincidental. I’m really not sure that the two things were related. Something was wrong with thisman. MARISHA: See, it’s interesting, because I wouldsay the opposite. I would say it wasn’t that coincidental, because– LIAM: I would agree, it seemed to happen withthis– TALIESIN: We’ve seen her sing dozens, hundreds oftimes. Nothing like this has ever happened.I’ve seen people sit in the front row hundreds oftimes. Nothing like this has ever happened. LIAM: Have you had the elderly or the sick inthese tents before? MARISHA: Yeah, you also happen to be very expliciton your page that you don’t want the sick, so. TALIESIN: Gustav. MATT: At this motion, Gustav goes, “It’s generallyjust because we want to promote a space of “welcoming cleanliness. When we’re working amongstthe outskirts of the Empire, we don’t want to “bring an element that reminds you of death and–” SAM: You hate old people so much. MATT: “Well, we’re in entertainment. We have to becautious.” The single Crown’s Guard guy who’s sitting there with his weapon out, you can see himshaking almost, he’s never had to deal with anyting like this before.TALIESIN: Hold up. I’ve never seen that onebefore. He looks really suspicious. MATT: Towards him? TALIESIN: No, the guy behind him. LAURA: (gasps) He does look suspicious. MATT: Make a deception check. TALIESIN: Sure. Eight. MATT: He goes, “Don’t try that on me. I’ve beendoing this for over ten years.” ASHLEY: Oh wait, look at him! LAURA: I cast Thaumaturgy and make it sound likethere’s a sound coming from behind him, too. MATT: Make a sleight-of-hand check to see if youcan cast this spell subtly enough or not.SAM: This poor guard. Ooh! (groaning) LAURA: Natural one. MATT: As you attempt to cast this spell, a littlebit of spittle gets caught in your windpipe, and you begin to cough uncontrollably. Yeah, it justfalls away. LAURA: (coughing) There was some popcorn that Iate earlier. TRAVIS: You should know that whatever happened tothat first man when he attacked the woman, she caught whatever he had. MATT: “And that is extremely worrying. Nobodytouch that body.” And he looks back and sees you coughing over the corpse, and the guy’s like,”Don’t you touch that body! Are you sick?” LAURA: (coughing) I have bloody fingers. MATT: “Someone hold her down. If she’s sick andturns into one of these, I will not–” ASHLEY: She’s fine.Just calm down. TALIESIN: Well, we’ve already killed two of them. SAM: She’s definitely sick. MATT: Make a deception check. LAURA: That was cocked, unfortunately. That was agood one. Oh, well. 16? MATT: 16? His face goes white and he goes, “Killthe thing!” And rushes forward, blade held above. ASHLEY: I take out my greatsword. SAM: What, you’re going to kill a guard? ASHLEY: Stop, stop. MATT: He holds back. He turns to you and sees youstanding a full four inches taller than him with a much larger blade, with one hand, and he goes,”Look, if she’s going to become one of these “things, we have to stop her now.” LAURA: Yasha will totally kill me.Don’t worry,you can leave. MARISHA: Jester. Jokes are great until they getyou killed, man. She’s joking. LAURA: (weak laughter) SAM: Poor guard. MATT: Immediately rubs his eyes. You can see him,now that he’s closer to you, you can see he’s sweating, he’s scared, he’s generally trying thebest he can to use whatever training he’s received to deal with a scenario he was not trained for. MARISHA: This is the King’s Guard guy? MATT: One of the Crown’s Guard. The Crown’s Guardare all generally hired and trained militia that are sent amongst all the cities to keep thepeace. MARISHA: What’s your name, man? TALIESIN: Wow, he’s really shook up. SAM: Jamieson. MATT: “Flynn.” MARISHA: Flynn. How long you been doing this, yousaid ten years? MATT: “Ten years two months ago.” MARISHA: Oh. Happy ten year-i-versary. Yeah,congrats. Did you get a nice watch or like a commemorative tankard? TRAVIS: They don’t have watches yet.MARISHA: Shit. Did you get a commemorativetankard? Forget the watch part. MATT: “No. Don’t move.” MARISHA: I’m not moving, man. Hey. Hey, Flynn.Hey, man. How about first we put the swords down, because we helped? Yeah. SAM: Are any of us high charisma? ‘Cause it don’tseem like it. MATT: At this point, the flaps at the front of thetent, the entranceway, fold in and you watch as one, two, three, four, six, ten Crown’s Guardbegin filtering into the chamber.You watch as one man, the one who has his helmet off and under hisshoulder, he’s maybe in his early 40s or so, short brown hair with patches of grey. Somewhatjaundiced skin. Molly, you’ve encountered this man once before when you entered the city. Heapproaches Gustav right now with a commanding voice. “I had a gut feeling that you were nothingbut trouble when you came into our town.” Gustav turns around. “I guarantee to you, my friend, Ihave no idea–” “What happened here?” The Crown’s Guard who’s been shaken turns around and goes,”Sir, Flynn. There was a creature. This carnival “seemed to create some sort of terrible entity thatkilled and then created a secondary beast. I “watched it with my own eyes from the back row.”And the man turns back towards Gustav and the rest of you. “And who else saw that?” TRAVIS: We did. LAURA: Well, we saw an old guy turn into a zombie.But it’s possible that he just died because he was old, and then he had the zombie curse on him andjust turned, you know? Because that happens a lot.TALIESIN: (deadpan) Gustav, it’s no use, we’vebeen found out. Our terrible plot to make a zombie rampage through our carnival has been discovered.Whatever will we do now that we’ve been discovered for our brilliant plot to make a zombie ruin ourcircus. My god. MATT: Flynn turns to you and goes, “Put yourweapons down or we’ll arrest you immediately!” TALIESIN: I’m literally holding nothing but myhands. LIAM: I mean, I’m sorry, but we’re basically agroup of strangers. Most of us don’t know each other. We all have the same story. There was ashow, an old man became a thing, and we helped destroy it. This one destroyed it. What more doyou want from us? TALIESIN: It ruined our show. MATT: Flynn turns back and says, “Watchmaster,what should we do?” And the man with the helmet under his arm walks forward, walks to Gustav,gives him one look over, still a few inches shorter than him.Looks at him with a sense ofpurpose and social status that has a sense of disinterest and disrespect. “You, sir, and yourorc, and your circus, are considered currently “under arrest. Who else belongs to your merryband?” He looks about the rest and Gustav goes, “The orc.” Glances back at the two of you andgoes, “The rest of them are just purveyors of our “performances. He was just joking earlier, right?”Make a deception check. SAM: Oh boy. TALIESIN: Nope. MATT: “And you are also under arrest. The rest ofyou, what are your names?” LAURA: Shirley. SAM: Temple. (muffled laughter) LIAM: Caleb Widogast. MARISHA: Beau, same as him.TRAVIS: Bo. (laughter) SAM: I am Bo! TRAVIS: You pointed at me. MARISHA: I meant the NPC Bo! But it works! ASHLEY: Here’s the thing. Oh, it’s Mary by theway, but I think I know who might know what has happened here. MATT: “Do you? Tell me.” ASHLEY: I’ll have to go get her. MATT: “Who is this?” ASHLEY: She is the singer that made this allhappen.MATT: “Flynn, escort this woman to retrieve thisindividual she speaks of.” Flynn nods and walks over towards you. LAURA: She’s really shy, though, and I hear sheonly talks to tieflings, so you should probably send– MATT: “Stay where you are.” LAURA: –my brother along, because he’s really goodwith that stuff. TALIESIN: Try not to stab any random people onyour way there, Flynn. You’re doing good.MATT: “My men tell me that the rest of you helpeddestroy these fiends. Is that correct?” ALL: Yeah. MATT: “Then on behalf of the Starosta, Iappreciate your aid. But until this investigation “is complete, you are all under investigation fromus. Where are you staying?” TRAVIS: The Nestled Nook Inn. SAM: Nested Nook. MATT: Nestled. He got it right. SAM: Oh, shit. One letter. God damn it. TRAVIS: I have an intelligence of 14. I know whatI’m doing. MATT: “Do not leave this city unless you are toldotherwise. Should you do so, I have your names, “and I can have the full might of the CerberusAssembly track you down. You. Flynn. Free this “girl.” While you all stand in the tent, Flynnapproaches you and walks a little bit behind you, weapon drawn but at the side. Do you lead him outof the tent? Okay. So you walk through the performer’s flap, and as you walk out, you can seebacked up into the number of tents that are set up, and some of the carts, other members of thecircus are hiding, and as soon as you exit out the front and they see you before the Crown’sGuard, they all immediately scatter and vanish to the nearby shadows, out of sight.The two of youwalk out into the center, the fire crackling in a small pit off to the side. “All right, where isthis girl you speak of?” ASHLEY: She’s in the back in the tents. MATT: “Show me.” ASHLEY: Follow me. MATT: He follows you. Which tent do you lead himto? Over here? Okay, there’s a larger tent, as he walks by your side, there’s the flap that’sslightly open. SAM: God, you could seduce him. ASHLEY: Go get her. She won’t talk to me. She’stoo scared of me. MATT: “All right.” Gets his weapon ready and walksinto the tent. ASHLEY: I close the tent and I take off. MATT: Okay. There’s a few moments before, in thedistance, you hear a voice say, “The tent is “empty. What are you talking about? Hello?Helloooo?” (laughter) MATT: And you don’t look back, and you just runinto the darkness of night, into the Marrow Fields and disappear. SAM: But that’s so mysterious.LIAM: While that was happening, I’m close to theedge of the tent, and at some point I just (snap) and summoned Frumpkin. I have a 30-feet outsidethe tent, so Frumpkin’s out there. MATT: Okay. Frumpkin keeps watch. The Watchmaster,as you heard him notified earlier, turns to the rest of you. “So. The investigation will begin. Ifany information comes to light that could “alleviate you of the charges brought to thiscarnival, come to me and let me know. If you have “no answers before we complete this investigation,then I believe you all will fall into the judgment.” LAURA: Next time we don’t help.That’s what itcomes down to. MARISHA: I know, we got paid the first time wehelped, and then we got arrested the second time. I don’t know what lesson to learn here. SAM: Just say okay and let’s leave. LIAM: Yeah, yeah. MATT: So the guards escort you out of the tent.Molly, you’re stuck behind with Gustav and Bo the Breaker, with a guard of five Crown’s Guards setto keep watch. As the rest of you are sent to the city, the Watchmaster turns once more and says,”Remember, you flee, I’ll find you.” And that’s where we’ll end tonight’s session.SAM: No way! What? No! I want to keep playing. TALIESIN: I’m so excited, this is great. LIAM: It’s a good spot. ASHLEY: We did it, we did it. TRAVIS: Holy shit. LAURA: We have to get Molly out! SAM: (sighs) Everything’s better with Molly. (laughter) TALIESIN: Truer words were never spoken. MATT: Well, guys, welcome to the new campaign.Season two, I guess. LIAM: Oh my goodness. MARISHA: It feels so weird. SAM: Look at these cool Wyrmwood cases that wehave! MATT: Fucking Sam.I swear to god. MARISHA: I used 100% new dice. No repeats fromKeyleth. TRAVIS: Yeah, totally new dice. TALIESIN: I kept the Gil die. LAURA: I used some new dice. TRAVIS: What are you talking about? LAURA: Some new dice. MATT: I used this beautiful little– TALIESIN: Fuck you. MATT: The Snitch is mine now. LIAM: Look at all the 20s Taliesin rolledtonight. MATT: I know. Oh man. I’m excited. SAM: Such cool characters, guys! MATT: I’m excited to see where this goes. SAM: I still don’t know what half of you guys are.What’s Travis? MATT: Everyone did something that revealed themtonight. SAM: I don’t know nothing, I don’t know how toplay D&D. MARISHA: Should we all say in case you’re Sam andyou don’t know? TRAVIS: I’m a ballerina. MARISHA: He’s a prima.MATT: Well, guys. Happy New Year. Welcome back,Happy New Year to you guys. Thank you for coming along with us on this first episode of a newjourney. Thank you, Backblaze and DnD Beyond, for being awesome sponsors partnered with us goingforward. Thank you, Wyrmwood, for this amazing table. Thank you guys for coming along with usthis evening for our first dive into this new venture. Hope you enjoyed it. We did. MARISHA: Thank you to our amazing crew. SAM: Thank you, Matt Mercer, for this amazing newcampaign! Welcome to Wildemount.MATT: I’m excited. SAM: Thanks, Yev. MATT: Guys, have a wonderful evening. We’ll seeyou next week. See where this next stage in the story takes us. Ashley, I’m glad you could make itfor this first episode. ASHLEY: Yeah, me too. MATT: Until then, have a wonderful night, sleepwell, and is it Thursday yet? Good night! (cheering) [music].
